Here we are, dear readers! We’ve finally reached #1! There has been a lot of speculation on who would take the #1 spot, but the decision has been handed down..make the jump to see who won!
1. Tingle – Zelda Series
Oh Tingle! So maligned, so hated, so GAY! There’s no doubt that Tingle made quite an (awful) impression on gamers when he first floated on to the Zelda franchise scene in N64’s Majoras’ Mask in 2000. An ugly little troll who looked for all the world like the chicken-hawk that tried to pick me up the first time I snuck into a gay bar at age 16.
But is Tingle really gay? Let’s look at the facts…he’s a 34 year old man-child who wants nothing more in the world than to be a fairy (and if you ask me is WELL on his way). He has fashioned himself what he views to be a fairy outfit which consists of a bizarre green pant-suit thing with attached hood, red underwear on the outside and a little cape. He can’t fly without fairy wings so he has devised a means of travel by tying balloons to his waist, which he uses to float around and bug the crap out you. His creepy weird face with tiny mustache, beauty mark, and whore rouge looks like Tammy Faye Bakker on an Adavan bender. And of course, there’s his obsession with jewels and trademark greeting of “Ooooooo” which sounds like Paul Lynde getting a high colonic. (You younger folks might remember Paul Lynde as the voice of Templeton the Rat in Charlotte’s Web, or Uncle Arthur on Bewitched. The voice of Roger the alien on American Dad is modeled heavily on Lynde)
After appearing in 2001’s Oracle of Ages, Tingle finally got a makeover in Wind Waker, although still freakish looking, he was at least no longer grotesque and even more gay looking. We were also introduced to Tingle’s “brothers” who all dress like him (presumably Tingle spent many hours at his tiny pink sewing machine) and who he has enslaved to work for him on “Tingle Island” which is really a sort of very tall, very phallic totem pole in the middle of the ocean. All together, the brothers look like they are ready to participate in some kind of Tingle Pride Parade. We were also introduced to the Tingle Tuner, (read: Tingles Gaydar) which allowed you to attach your GBA to your Gamecube so that the little creep could join you on your adventures and help you flush out the jewels he so longs for.
Tingle has since re-appeared in Four Swords and Minish Cap for the GBA and is now set to star in his own RPG in Japan entitled “Fresh Tingle’s Rose Colored Rupee Land”...It doesn’t get much gayer than that folks! (and lest we forget the unsubstantiated interweb rumors of Richard Simmons voicing Tingle in the upcoming Twilight Princess)
Taking all these factors into consideration, I will say that while Tingle may not sew doll clothes, have a special crotch grab move or run around in a thong, I think we can all agree that he more than deserves to wear the giant bejeweled tiara of The Gayest Character in Video games!
Congratulations, Tingle, you’ve finally arrived!