Game Reviews That Get Straight To The Point
Wouldn’t it be easier to read game reviews if they were only one sentence long? You could cut through all the fluff and get the stuff you really want to know.
Well Dennis “Corin Tucker’s Stalker” Farrell from Somethingawful.com likes to post one sentence reviews at the bottom of almost all his posts. Here’s some of his latest:
Darkstar One – PC
All the thrill of running trade routes between lifeless space stations of Eve Online without other players and the advanced economy, which means it’s actually sorta fun. 7/10
Ninety Nine Nights – Xbox 360
If overcoming one billion enemies with two attacks sounds like your idea of a good time, your name is probably John Cena and I probably just made a joke that half of our readers won’t get. 7/10
Wouldn’t it be easier to read game reviews if they were only one sentence long? You could cut through all the fluff and get the stuff you really want to know.
Well Dennis “Corin Tucker’s Stalker” Farrell from Somethingawful.com likes to post one sentence reviews at the bottom of almost all his posts. Here’s some of his latest:
Darkstar One – PC
All the thrill of running trade routes between lifeless space stations of Eve Online without other players and the advanced economy, which means it’s actually sorta fun. 7/10
Ninety Nine Nights – Xbox 360
If overcoming one billion enemies with two attacks sounds like your idea of a good time, your name is probably John Cena and I probably just made a joke that half of our readers won’t get. 7/10
Madden NFL 07 – Xbox 360
Gaming snobs complain that Madden rests on its laurels and only updates its roster with each new version but it does a lot more, like feature a new player on the cover. 8/10
Xyanide – Xbox
In this shoot-em-up you blast your way through levels and enemies conjured from the imagination of your enemy, who is apparently fixated on the intestines of gigantic spacegoats that survive by ingesting pure beams of colored light. 6/10
Dirge Of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII – PS2
I love the smell of a generic shooter in the morning, smells like… cash-in. 6/10
Payout Poker & Casino – PSP
I’m glad this game was made because I’ve always loved below average casino games, but hated not being able to watch my avatar walk through an empty casino from game to game at a speed that just barely outpaces continental drift. 2/10
Deep Labyrinth – GBA
A few alternate titles that are less sexually suggestive: Corridor Fight, Complex Spell Symbol Memorizer, Vagina Spelunking, Monotony Quest. 5/10
Dungeon Siege II: The Broken World – PC
From the makers of the sequel that no one asked for comes the expansion pack no one paid attention to, complete with a new race no one cares about and a story even less people will find compelling. 5/10
Flatout 2 – PC
The full priced racing game that didn’t realize it was a budget title got better this time around, much to the surprise and delight of everyone but the poor ragdoll driver is about to be ejected through his windshield more times than he’ll signal for a turn. 7/10
Dead Rising – Xbox 360
When there’s no room in the save system, the braindead shall flood the internet and complain about a brilliant game. 9/10
Pac-Man – Xbox 360
The classic arcade hit appears on a powerful next-gen system with capabilities that no one would have thought possible in 1980, and the controls are actually worse now than they were over 25 years ago. 1/10
Barnyard – PS2
A paint-by-the-numbers movie gets adapted into a game that manages to be creative and do its own thing instead of following the usual movie port template, a clear sign that someone is going to be fired. 6/10
D1 Grand Prix – PS2
This awkward racer with horrible controls must have been developed by a team of particularly angry curmudgeons, as touching grass for just an instant penalizes your score more than running directly into a wall. 2/10
Super Monkey Ball Adventure – GCN
Putting a Monkey Ball in a platforming game is sort of like combining the family dog with a cat using a staple gun, only more messy and poorly thought out. 3/10
Super Robot Taisen: Original Generation – GBA
When giant robots fight to the death with giant phallic laserguns, we all win. 8/10
Barnyard – GBA
A paint-by-the-numbers movie gets adapted into a paint-by-the-numbers game that lasts for (and was probably developed in) all of two hours, a clear sign that someone is going to get a promotion. 2/10
Do you think you can review a game in one sentence?
Faith Naked
Posted to Video Games on 10 September 2006
· Comments (6)
Other stuff like this: game reviews, one sentence, something awful
Electroplankton – DS
A dozen levels with about as many minutes of fun value each that involve anthropomorphic krill that beep and boop when provoked; great for about an hour’s worth of that annoying kid who sings too much, but just plain annoying to a music major.
4/10
PC Gamer did it better with their review of Survivor: The Game:
“Crap!”
Nintendudes – DS
Finally, something that looks good on a leash.
7/10
@Johnathan
What about teh furries? :3
@ Silver R. Wolfe
The furryfandom kind?
yeah…
put on some fox ears and a leash would be great.
remember this post ?
(and it’s Jonathan – lose an the first h)
@ Jonathan
Rawr. wags You forgot about sexy tails too. :3
My apologies about the name, it is super early here. >.>