DVDeathtraps
It’s that time of year again: time for teachers to thumbtack cardboard witches to elementary school chalkboards; time for grocery stores to pack entire aisles with C-grade candy; time for fledgling homosexualists to prance around in mommy’s negligee, quite possibly with mommy’s approval. Yes, kids, it’s time for Halloween—and the simultanous release of 27 bejillion low-rent horror flicks on DVD. A quick perusal of this year’s crop reveals at least three truly craptacular spectaculars:
- First, there’s Dead Waves, which proves that the Japanese just can’t get enough stories about bitter, spiteful TV shows and the ill-starred adolescent schoolgirls who watch them.
- There’s also The Pumpkin Karver, which seems pretty unremarkable as bad horror flicks go, except that someone by the name of “Sheldon Silverstein” gets a writing credit on the damn thing, which, of course, leads me to wonder, did Sheldon “The Giving Tree” Silverstein…Sheldon “Where the Sidewalk Ends” Silverstein…did that Sheldon Silverstein have anything to do with this piece of crap? But as it turns out, no, it’s just some schmuck who also happens to have the unlikely name of Sheldon Silverstein. What’re the odds?
- And then there’s my potential favorite: The Curse of El Charro. Alas, that Charo is nowhere to be seen in the damn thing, but on the up side, there’s apparently some mildly arousing lesbian content, which might be of interest to our game-friendly sapphic sisters. I mean, really: can the world ever have too much hot vampiress-on-vampiress bloodsucking action?
My Aunt was in this movie! Lindsey Carpenter!