Spike VGA '07 Red Carpet Realness
I just flew back from a whirlwind trip across the country with La Fruitus Bruticus and it was incredible. We saw the best of roadside America from Graceland and the Liberace museum to a 72 oz. steak and a 4lb hamburger. Near the end of the trip we stopped in Las Vegas for the Spike VGA awards at Mandalay Bay where we took our places on the red carpet to greet the guests as they arrived.
It was a glamorous affair, one filled with more stars than a country night. I got to meet comic impressario Stan Lee, I was so flabbergasted that I couldn't think of a single thing to say. It was side boob hour with Tia Carrera, who looked smashing in a black Jay Lo number that showed off her many assets. One of the highlights of the evening was meeting the consummate badass Mr. Samuel L. Jackson, who looked great as always with a pair of small round glasses, rhinestoned belt buckle and signature Kangool cap.
The red carpet experience was so impressive that I have a few awards of my own to give away.
First off, the "Keeping it together after all these years award" goes to Tia Carrera. She hasn't aged a day since her starring roles in Wayne's World and her video game debut in The Daedalus Encounter. Fabulous darling, keep it up Ms. Lady.
The "Bite-sized Bisexual of the Evening" goes to Ms. Tila Tequila, known for her reality TV show on MTV, Tila Tequila, Shot of Love. Her show is a serious guilty pleasure of mine, since it's just about the trashiest show I've seen since COPS. She looked great, but I had no idea she was that short. It seems like she stepped out of a portal from Munchkin land.
The "Brian Eno Musical Futurist Award" goes to Cris Velasco, the composer of the excellent God of War series. I had a great chat with him about the series for he composed the entire lot. When we got around to chatting about the God of War III soundtrack, he said he would like to utilize generative music that would work off of algorithms to create the soundtrack as you play. He said that he was inspired by the old Lucasarts games like Loom and Monkey Island.
The "Washed-up Golden Douche Award" goes to has been Dave Navarro who rudely greeted me on the red carpet. I introduced myself as Jason from Gaygamer.net. He asked me, "What's that?" I told him about the site and he said in a forced condescending tone, "Oh a blog." Then he said, "You guys are really reaching with that one, but I applaud you." and he clapped his hands together with all of the pity he could muster. I didn't want to create a scene on the carpet, I'm a bit too classy for that. Here I say to you, Mr. Navarro, there is a place for every one of us in the gaming industry, and our site gives voice to a segment of the population that has been overlooked for long enough. We can influence and inspire by our use of language. Too bad all you have to work with is your instrument, which isn't that impressive anyway.
Enough of that foolishness. On to brighter things. The "Daddylicious Duke of the Evening" and "Best Dressed Award" goes to that hunka hunka burning manliness, Mr. Ken Lavine. I approached him off of the red carpet and asked him with stars and hearts in my eyes, "Are you Ken Lavine?" He confirmed my query, then I said, "I'm Jason from GayGamer.net, and his face lit up with a smile and said, "Pleasure to meet you, is Fruit Brute here?" I told him that he was waiting on the red carpet. He looked sharp and finely manicured with a couple of days old stubble that worked quite handsomely on his kind face. After the rude reception from turdbag Navarro, he was a class act gentleman that made me swoon at his presence.
I had a grand time on the carpet for this was my first industry event, and one that made me feel welcome as a gaming journalist. After the show was over, I got to talk to Helen McWilliams, who was feeling the free cocktails of the evening, and was a hoot. She gets the "Blonde Bombshell Award" for her buxom beauty and rocking ways. That's all my awards section of the show, hopefully I will return for next years awards and a chance to report on the carpet once again.
Toots
Posted to Hot Stuff, Video Games on 12 December 2007
· Comments (8)
Other stuff like this: las vegas, spike vga awards 2007
One could argue that Mr. Navarro was the one "really reaching" by appearing a video game awards show. I mean, his last game totally su-... oh wait.
Tia Carrere! I performed with her at a Peter Gabriel tribute concert in Toronto a few years ago. I talked with her for about an hour without knowing who the hell she was.
She asked if I wanted an autograph and I shrugged and said yes, so she signed my music. Since I thought it was a joke from one unknown artist to another, I asked her if she wanted mine. She nodded with a grin, and so I signed her programme.
After I got home, I looked her up, with my eyebrows arching more and more as I read about her "exploits". I even got curious and watched a couple of episodes of her Lara-Croft-like show, "Relic Hunter".
Too funny. I need to write memoirs.
Toots, you are a charm from heaven and a snappy dresser.
You are too kind dearest Dancer. If you ever want to borrow any of my acutetremonts, feel free. Just ask before you take, I have an inventory on my fashions, and my chifforobe is booby trapped.
I DEMAND PHOTOS, TOOTS!
Photo gallery coming soon. I just need to get them from Fruitus.
No commentary on the pejorative use of the word gay that was used on at least one occasion in the awards broadcast? I'm disappointed.
Yeah We need Photos of those handsome game journalist of ours!