Homophobia In Paradise
Aloha, all! As many of you may know, I just got back from an incredible week long trip to Hawaii, my first real vacation in many years. After busting my hump between here and Kotaku for almost two years, I figured it was time for a break. Right off the bat I will tell you this post is a bit off subject being as it is not game related in the least. It is however gay related and thought it was an important story to share.
Living in San Francisco and even in New Orleans and Atlanta, I have never really been the victim of much homophobia in real life. I've faced more online than anywhere else, but a faceless name calling jerk never really bothers me much. Also (according to the friends I was traveling with) I give the outward appearance of being a "straight guy." So, It was with much shock that I and my friends experienced three blatant homophobic incidents while vacationing on the beautiful island of Kauai. Yes, homophobia exists even in paradise.
The first time I was walking to the beach with two of my friends when we were yelled at by some dirty hippie guy who was apparently living on the beach at the state park we were walking through. "Don't you belong in San Francisco," he shouted, "F*cking f*ggots!" Needless to say I was taken aback and didn't even know what to say. We weren't being blatant or even talking to anyone. Merely walking to the beach to enjoy the sun.
The next day my friend and I were standing (just standing mind you) by our car in the town of Hanalei when an older white man walked by and then turned to face us. "No one appreciates you perverts coming around here," he said angrily. Not one to provoke people, my friend and I just nodded and kept looking off in the other direction. The man stood there, obviously wanting some kind of response from us that we just weren't willing to give. Finally he just grunted "This is a family oriented place," and shambled off.
The following evening was my friend's birthday and while I wasn't privy to this one, I did hear about ti later. Two of my buddies went to a nearby restaurant to watch this gal belly dance that whom we had met on the beach. They headed over and in true gay style, made friends with all the girls working there, etc. Then apparently one man told my friend (who's birthday it was) that he needed to to go back wherever he came from with the rest of the f*ggots. While the total time we spent getting harassed by these idiots was less than a minute, I found that we talked about it quite a bit over the rest of the trip, no doubt giving more mouth time to these people than was really necessary. It's also intersting to note that none of these homophobes were Hawaiian natives, but two white guys and a Middle Eastern man. All of the true natives we ran into were incredibly kind.
So why am I writing about this now? Well, it just reminded me that while we have come a long way in being accepted in this world of ours, there are still people out there that would see us go away. And not just behind the veil of the internet, right out in the open to our faces with no provocation. It also reminds me how important it is that we have this site where we can feel open and able to express our feelings without fear of retribution. As much as I loved my trip, it's good to be back home and back here at GayGamer where there is plenty of love and respect to go around. Thanks again to all our readers and our wonderful staff who make it such a pleasure to come home to.
Fruit Brute
Posted to Hot Stuff, Miscellany on 29 April 2008
· Comments (29)
Other stuff like this: hawaii, homophobia, kauai, vacation
Name: Dave
Wow, that really sucks. I would be incredibly pissed off if I spent the metric fuckton of money required to go to Hawaii only to be harassed by homophobes. I'm sorry that you had to endure it and I hope it didn't ruin your trip.
Unfortunately, places that draw large numbers of tourist from across the globe tend to mirror the internet in this respect. You get people from all corners of the country and globe from all walks of life. This means your chance of running into ignorant idiots, who are scared and afraid of the world to the point that they are desperate to lay the blame for their discomfort at anyone's feet, becomes quite high. Just like on the nets.
I respect you greatly that you took the high road...but I would have prefered if you had maced them in the face...with a real mace, mind you. This is the kind of behavior that has turned me into a hermit and misanthrope.
They wouldn't have this negative perception of us if the media didn't do everything they could to make us all look like sex-obsessed bitchy queens.
that sucks. i didn't encounter any bad homophobic experiences in maui, but then again, we strayed off all the touristy beaches, resorts and restaurants.
the locals were very nice.
This sucks dude :( *hug* Hope you got some relaxation in nonetheless :D
Until they end up being persecuted by something they never chose, and can't change, will they understand how small it makes you feel when someone shatters you like that.
At least the reality is we can only go forward and make more strives towards acceptance.
Brute, you and your friends have more patience than I could have mustered. Literally facing homophobia is no easy task, not to mention staying clam, cool and collected while enduring personally targeted ignorance.
Just sucks that it happened on your vacation. Hopefully, the sun and weather were nicer to you.
Makes you wonder if turning a blind eye to Internet and Gamer homophobia is really the way to go eh?
Ugh.
On behalf of all of the stupid breeders, I am so so so so so sorry from the bottom of my heart. You should all come to Montreal sometime, you almost never hear that kind of crap here! And it's not freezing (for about 3 months a year)!
Sorry to hear that, but... Wow, that really shocks me. I've been to Hawaii with my partner many times, including to Kauai, and we've never experience any homophobia at all, anywhere. I hate to shrug it off, but I'm wondering if maybe you just ran into a string of bad luck? I'm sure even in NYC, LA or San Fran you'll get the occasional close-minded bad egg. I certainly wouldn't hold that against all the other people who live in the islands who are supporting and open-minded. Other than that - hope you had a great time! In my opinion, Hawaii is the absolutely best place on earth!
I hope Jim is right and this was just ridiculously bad luck. As the others are saying, I sincerely hope you managed to have a good time regardless.
That being said, I agree with William. Come to Canada on a vacation. We'll welcome you here in Vancouver as well. But the weather is almost as unpredictable. :)
that sucks. good for you though being able to rise above it and ignore them. that's really unfortunate that you had to experience that on your vacation. sounds like they were ignorant old men lol too bad that can't be helped so much.
poor fruit brute
*hugs*
yeah locals tend to be okay with it because in their culture, like in many native cultures, homosexuality was just an everyday fact of life
"This is a family oriented place,"
Funny, I never remembered hate being a family value. Guess my family done screwed up!
I'm sorry.
Please give us a another post focusing on all the fun things you did on your trip. It might make you (and us) feel better.
One of the secretaries I used to work with used to rave about how much I would love Kauai specifically, because it was so open and accepting and gay-friendly.
But she knew, and always stayed with, native Hawaiians. It sounds like trouble comes not from them but from what washes ashore.
it is too bad that you have bad experiences during your vacation. my partner and i have been living on the island of Oahu for 2.5 years now (we moved from Portland, OR). my impression on the native hawaiian (who most of my co-workers are) is that they welcome you no matter whether you are straight or gay. thats what they call it "ohana style" - everyone is family. it would be interesting to know how long those homophobic people had been living on the island. they might be a couple of retired snowbirds from the midwest who have never seen gay people.
Sorry to hear that. My wife's mom is from Kauai (we live on Oahu), and it's ironic because Kauai has become more and more taken over by tourists that settle there - yet they tell you to "go back to where you came from".
I lived on the Big Island for a year and a half, and I've never heard of that. The natives are always nice. Damn shame that this is the impressesion you brought back with you.
While the rational part of me knows that it is better to take the passive, resolute, nonviolent path that you and your friends did, I think that if it had been me and my friends, some of those idiots would have been walking away with a few less teeth.
I lived on the Big Island for a year and a half, and I've never heard of that. The natives are always nice. Damn shame that this is the impressesion you brought back with you. The douchebags are always the outsiders. Come to think of it, I was probably a douchebag while I was there. Not against gays, just in general.
That's horrible. I'm terribly sorry to hear about this. ): It's a shame there are still people out there who are still preaching hate and prejudice.
*hug*
Wow that's some bull shit man. I Would be more then pissed off if I after working my ass off for so long.Then to take a vacation to some where nice and be bothered by close minded pricks. Idk maybe it's the NY attitude but I would have fired something back at them. You can only ignore it for so long before it bothers ya. Sorry to hear that you had to run into that on holiday bro.
I'd like to think I could have reacted as coolly as you folks did. It's admirable.
But man! What gets me is that these people have the nerve to actually say that crap! I can't even imagine walking up to a stranger out of the blue to say something so mean. I wonder if they consider themselves brave?
What a bunch of assholes those people, and its not like you guys were doing anything out in public.
You handled it pretty well, me, I probably would've thrown a punch, or at the very least, thrown a one finger salute in their direction.
It's a shame to hear that FB. From the time I worked with you, you're a great guy and cool person to hang out with and it's a shame that such a thing happened on your vacation. Hopefully when I get to take my long overdue vacation, it won't turn out so negatively.
I applaud you for not fighting back. That's exactly what they want. When you don't attack them in return, they're forced to face the cruelty of their own actions. That's Ghandi's philosophy, right?
On behalf of all of the stupid breeders, I am so so so so so sorry from the bottom of my heart.
I am straight, and check this website all the time. I also support gay marriage and adoption.
Not all breeders are stupid, but I do object to the term "breeders." Straight does not equal a desire to procreate. Assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups...
Slim, no offense, but you don't speak for all bree- I mean straight people, so it's kind of an empty gesture to apologize for all of you/them.
As for the "high road", that means nothing to me. If I had been told I as a gay man didn't belong because I was in a "family oriented place", I would have pointed out that I have a family too, so what's your fucking point, asshole.
Not saying that how Fruity and his friends handled the situation is wrong - my point is that there isn't a right or wrong. I think everyone needs to deal with bigotry in the way they feel is appropriate, and don't worry about some mythical high-and-mighty moral ideal that says it's always better to ignore people than to stand up to them. In case some of us haven't notice, a lot of the "morals" and "ideals" we are raised with in our Western culture (e.g. homophobia) don't have much basis in real reason or ethics.