Presented in Retrovision: Baby Boomber
The more I write retrospectives on video games from yesteryear, the more ambivalent I become to games I love. It has become increasingly difficult to find games to write optimistically on, so this week I've decided to switch gears and go in reverse for a bit. Let's face it, the vast majority of the games we played when we were younger were awful. I would even go so far as to say that some of these games were a total assault on the senses. This was especially true in the 1980s. Developers were still getting their feet wet, so to speak, and the video game industry was relatively new and exciting. Because of that, many developers had not quite found their niche. New concepts and games were rewarded, and even if they didn't bring a developer notoriety, they could at least invite a big helping of self-satisfaction and fast cash. Much like the California gold rush, there simply was not enough good ideas to go around. This was most evident with the company Color Dreams.
Anyone who has ever played a Color Dreams title will tell you that their products are sub-par at best. The majority of Color Dreams' work consisted of developing titles for the NES. Unlike most developers, they were not licensed to directly produce titles for the system, and so they resorted to using reverse engineering and dirty tactics in an effort to disable the internal protection hardware of the NES. The immense amount of technical knowledge required to circumvent the NES' lockout chip, and the eventual challenge of designing software for an undocumented system, was unfortunately not reflective of their game design abilities. In 1989, the first abomination by this company was produced: Baby Boomer.
Baby Boomer is as fascinating as it is awful. Boomer is a diapered infant on a quest to, well, crawl persistently to the right. Boomer's journey begins with him escaping from his crib while his absentminded mother is not looking, and he begins his hap-hazardous crawl across the world. There is no mention of how he was able to open the front door. Regardless, mommy dearest apparently cares more about her soaps than the poor infant. Now that Boomer is out in the world, he is faced with many dangers as he works his way through a park filled with bloodthirsty birds, jumping spiders, em-effin' snakes, bottomless pits, and just about anything that would otherwise want to cut Boomer's adventure short. Did I mention that this is a park? Unlike most parks, this one seems fit to destroy anyone who chooses to enter. Thankfully you, the player, are here to save Boomer from his misadventures.
Now, as the main character, you would assume that the best way to save a baby from frequent impending doom is to simply pick the baby up and put him in a place where he will unable to escape. Common sense has no place in the world of Baby Boomer. Rather tan simply grabbing the baby, you must defend him by shooting things around him that may help or harm him. Shooting a cloud will make it solid for a brief period of time, and allow Boomer to traverse a deadly pit. Or, you can gun for a charging snake eager for an infant snack. Players can use either a game-pad to control a cross hair or the NES zapper, but, for the full effect, it is really necessary to use the gun.
Along with "protecting" Boomer, you must feed him. Boomer has what can only be described as a monster appetite, and this requires that you to give him milk several times in a single level. Failure to successfully nurture Boomer will cause him to cry and to lose a life. Like every other problem presented in this game, it is solved with a gun. Firing shots at inconspicuously placed bottles will temporarily fill Boomer's black hole of a stomach. Along with the milk, the game provides a bonus life reward system similar to Super Mario Bros. by means of Nuggets. Scattered throughout the stages are gold colored ingots stamped with a US Dollar symbol. Every twelve nuggets rewards the player with an additional life, which is humorously labeled as "babies" on the status bar.
Now, since the game provides two methods of input, you are allowed the "pleasure" of a two player mode. One player is given the Zapper, while the other is required to use the game-pad. I wouldn't recommend subjecting your friends to this game, unless you're looking to not be considered as a friend for much longer. Baby Boomer also provides the added pleasure of being one of the most ridiculously difficult games that I have ever played. Much of the game consists of memorizing all of the things that can kill your "babies" and anticipating them before they bring Boomer's short life to a close. By the time you've reached the third level, the game hits the point of requiring clairvoyance, because monsters simply materialize out of nowhere and provide little time to react.
Under no circumstances am I recommending this game to anyone. It is a terrific "joke" game to show off to friends and to laugh at how truly terrible a game can be. Baby Boomer features some of the most amusingly unintentionally negative subject material I have ever seen in a video game. No one, in their right mind, would ever think that a game about shooting a gun around a baby is a good idea now, nor would they start a story off by stating that the mother was not watching as her infant crawled out of the house and into perpetual peril. The fact that this game was never given a 10 o'clock news salute is somewhat of a surprise to me. Color Dreams eventually went on to develop other titles, all of which were equally bad, and sometimes even worse. After years of struggling with poor sales and general failure, Color Dreams changed it's name to Wisdom Tree and began developing games with a Christian theme. It just goes to show that the "BEST RATED LIGHT GUN GAME" was a bit of an exaggeration. Just remember kids, a pistol is no substitution for a baby sitter.
Asterick
Posted to Hot Stuff, Video Games on 12 June 2008
· Comments (2)
Other stuff like this: baby boomer, color dreams, don't shoot the baby, presented in retrovision, responsible parenting, wisdom tree
Name: Dave
Heh. I heard of them making those Christian games, never knew this was what they making first.
Those are some Colecovision-quality graphics right there.