Gay In Gaming: Use Of The Word Gay In The Current Vernacular
"Don't buy Beautiful Katamari! It's gay!" my sister said to me as I glared at her from the wall of games at my local Game Stop while shopping for presents for an upcoming birthday. "What? Don't tell me that offends you?" It did and it does. The fact that she even asked me that was proof she was unsure of its' political propriety and ultimate effect on her brother and she has since apologized. I have heard this many times especially in the younger crowds. It has become a part of their culture. The word "Gay" has adopted a new meaning: Stupid, Silly, Annoying, whatever the meaning applied its' current use stands to instill that idea that gay is bad. The word was originated in the early 19th century as meaning light and free. Nowadays I hear legions of teens describing their worn pairs of shoes as such and I watch as word that used to inspire dignity and pride become commonplace trash talk. History has watched many words pass in and out of a variety of meanings but this recent development has me wondering if the letting of this word of pride degrade suggests to those that can to step in and shoulder some social responsibility and let those in casual violation know that it is not ok.
While some words may be used by close groups of friends to reaffirm a sense of solidarity and heritage by, for example: a gay man calling another gay man "girl" (like do with my friends) when someone uses it outside of this context it becomes a verbal degradation. This has become a constant on Xbox Live while playing games like Left for Dead. Someone will invariably describe a weapon they dislike or a boss infected as "gay". I am very selective when it comes to who I play my online games with so if I sense anyone getting trigger happy with racial or sexual epithets I block them immediately. What shocks me is when I talk to other gay men and woman very few seem to be alarmed by this degradation. It feels as if some of us have settled into a place of docility where defending one's right to Equality has become comparable to "rocking the boat. Most of the people I have spoken to with respond with 'Oh! Its' just a word!" and I think "No! No it is not just a word! It is a freedom from the ignorance that suggests that because I am a man who loves another man I am somehow a second-class citizen. This past weekend my friends marched on Washington to help reinforce that we are not fighting just for the right to marry our respective partners but to have equal rights, responsibilities, opportunities and treatment under the law as any heterosexual. I feel it is my responsibility as a gay man to let those close to me know just how I am affected by even subtle changes in the current vernacular.
I feel a sense of affirmation when I tell someone I am Gay. I choose this word because it feel it best describes my freedom of being open about who I am. When someone uses offensive words like faggot or dike in the derogatory is just as vehement as use of the N-word in the same fashion. Complacency is the culprit here and I think that complacency comes from a place of real fear stemming from a wellspring of shame and internalized homophobia that affects us often times with out us even realizing it. As someone who came out in a Catholic high school in the mid nineties I am well aware of the impact words have on minds so when someone in my gaming session calls someone a faggot out of anger it is not just offensive it is unacceptable. It is up to us to maintain the principal of these words as not just casual but as of having a big effect on us as a collective. If you are gay, bi, trans, lesbian, questioning or straight I urge you to have an open discussion with those close to you about what is appropriate language in your gaming community and beyond and help us to keep pride where it belongs.
ROCsteady
Posted to Miscellany, Video Games on 18 October 2009
· Comments (30)
Other stuff like this: beautiful katamari, bi, equal rights, equality, gamestop, gay, gay rights, heterosexual, homophobia, homosexual, left for dead, lesbian, trans, xbox, xboxlive
It's not okay. It's bigoted, ignorant and offensive. Good on you for standing up against it. It IS easier to just let the wankers say their piece - but we shouldn't let it pass. HIGH FIVE!
You're not alone, while playing Warcraft back then I also took care to make sure this kind of language (and other, similar language) faced no tolerance.
It almost never leads to good places anyway. People who use these words are usually people you do not want to play with, so it usually serves well to avoid them. The athmosphere in the guild improves quickly - even for the people who weren't offended by "gay" as an insult as I was. Simply because the people who use such insults are usually generally unthinking, rude, and bigoted.
Otherwise they'd not use the word like that. Duh.
Maybe that makes me mean, but I for one will not stand for language abuse of this kind.
I have never been offended by the of the word gay when used as a negative, but I think I should be.
I'm one of the people that isn't particularly bothered by this.
Firstly, because its so widespread that its unlikely we're ever going to change it now. Similar to all the other derogatory words that have been around for decades and will continue to be around for decades despite our efforts.
Secondly, the word didn't always mean homosexual, and I bet there were some people not happy about its change of meaning back then as well... look what happened, it changed anyway.
Lastly, most of the people that use the word to mean bad/stupid etc usually don't connect it with homosexuality at all... they don't think about it. Most of them are in no way homophobic. A few of my friends use it that way, yet they're still great friends that have no problem with my sexuality at all.
If in my presence at the time, 1 or 2 of them will appologise for it.... frankly, this annoys me more... the fact they feel they have to tip-toe around me for fear of insulting me or seeming homophobic when they really aren't.
The way I see it is if you don't like it yourself, don't use it yourself. If you're insulted by other people using it.... ignore them, or educate them.
Now what I reeeeally hate is when communities think its ok to use a word but anyone outside that community using it is wrong. Faggot and Nigger being the prime examples.
Objecting to other people using a word that wasn't ours to begin with just seems hypocritical.
Well said. I was just reading an old post on Game Politics regarding a panel on homosexuality in gaming, and a majority of the commenters were defending the use of the word 'gay' as a pejorative, claiming the use and subtext of the word has changed, or that it wasn't used with an offensive intention.
It's offensive. It's disrepectful. And it IS homophobic, even if the person themselves aren't homophobes. Here's the thing: I tend to throw around un-PC terms around my friends. Sometimes it's used to be humorous, sometimes it just slips, and sometimes it's because the words are in my vocabulary, for whatever reason. But I don't think I could truly justify my use of these words. And I acknowledge what they are: racist, sexist, homophobic terms.
I feel like there's varying degrees of homophobia, from very light to very extreme. One of the most bothersome is the naive homophobia that MANY people possess. It's the "I'm not homophobic, but..." or "I have gay friends..." homophobia. It's people being homophobic without acknowledging it. And I find that really bothersome because they fail to realize what's wrong. They fail to recognize their own homophobia. It's easy to stay that way if you're in denial.
I'm finding it more difficult to truly be apart of any online gaming community due to the homophobia I so often encounter. I don't turn off my sexuality or gender identity when I game and I expect basic human respect from people, even if they disagree with who I am.
I agree (for the most part) with Cerberus635..
I'm not overly bothered by it when friends use it - and it bothers me more when friends feel that they need to apologise for it. I don't want any of my friends to ever feel like they need to change the way they act/speak to accommodate me - when there's absolutely no offence intended. (It bothers me a little when I overhear a group of young people using it ad nauseum though.)
While everyone's free to feel however they like about a particular word, I think that there's a huge difference between someone saying the word faggot (the ONLY word in the English language that I hate.) which is a slur against a person/people versus using the word "gay" in a general negative context (not *directed* at gay people, despite the origin of the word)
Should the word be used as it is in modern language? No.. But for better or worse, it's a part of the modern vocabulary. I choose to just make the best of it.
There was a VERY large thread on this over at escapist magazine a couple of months back when EA were running the panel on homophobia.
The biggest problem with gaming (I work in a games retail outlet in Australia) is ignorance. A huge percentage of people buying and playing games are ignorant of the world outside themselves (possibly the reason they're using an interactive escapist medium rather than a passive one, being involved in a world that does, in fact, revolve around them) and this kind of behaviour doesn't affect them, so why does it matter?
I watch countless parents buy MA15+ games for children ~10yo, noticing the subject matter and just not caring.
I know there is a culture in my country of ingrained apathy, but it appears that this affects gamers too.
While many people who use the word "gay" when describing something unpleasant do not mean it as an offense to gay people, it still connects the word "gay" to something bad, and therefore associating "bad" to "gay".
It doesn't insult me personally, because I know people who use it don't mean it out of harm to me, but I do correct people every time. And it does make me mad when I constantly correct someone's usage of the word and they continue to use it in that sense.
Faggot doesn't really bother me for some reason. It's kinda like "prick" or "bitch" which negatively describe men and women, but solely for gay people. Its entire purpose is negative. Gay is a word we are using to describe ourselves, and people are twisting it to describe something negative. That offends me. Personally, I don't even like the word gay and I wish we would use something else. I don't even use it myself.
"While many people who use the word "gay" when describing something unpleasant do not mean it as an offense to gay people, it still connects the word "gay" to something bad, and therefore associating "bad" to "gay". "
Some people also use gay to mean 'happy'
... how dare they associated gay and happy when I'm actually rather cynical and depressed...
I agree with the OP. I too find it shocking to see even gay people accept it now. People are too coward to stand for their own dignity! I mean, sure of a mob with pitchforks and torches stands before you, who'd be a hero. But when you have the safety comfort of the internet or a social situation, people SHOULD stand up for their dignity and respect!
These days, tbh, I am rather disillusioned things will ever really change, alas. But that is no reason not to fight to be treated with respect!
I agree with the OP. I too find it shocking to see even gay people accept it now. People are too coward to stand for their own dignity! I mean, sure of a mob with pitchforks and torches stands before you, who'd be a hero. But when you have the safety comfort of the internet or a social situation, people SHOULD stand up for their dignity and respect!
These days, tbh, I am rather disillusioned things will ever really change, alas. But that is no reason not to fight to be treated with respect!
I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about this. He has been playing Demon's Souls a lot lately. As we all know, this is a very frustrating game. Every few minutes he would tweet "gay this" and "gay that" and I bit my tongue. I didn't want to be "the harsh gay one" in the group.
Finally, it got to me and I called him out on it. I said something to the effect of "You need to stop with your overuse of the term 'gay' to mean bad or stupid. If something sucks, say it as simply as that." He apologized and has since changed his vernacular so as not to offend.
For some of the kids today, they aren't even aware they are using a slur. The more we bring attention to it, the better. Being passive or saying "it's a part of the modern vocabulary" takes away from the point.
Human vocabulary is dictated by ALL OF US and the more we reject one term, the more likely we are to change the course of language. Don't be passive, be vocal. This isn't a term that needs to progress any further than it already has.
I've never really found any word to be particularly offensive. I mean, yeah, I know they can be, and a lot of terms are rooted in ignorance and hate, but if someone says "You're such a faggot" to me, I just shrug and laugh.
My best friends, most of whom are straight, just laugh when I say "You're so gay" or "Stop being such a fag" and in turn they call me, a lesbian, "Straighty" or "Breeder" and such. We're just being silly, and are fully aware of this, and no harm has ever come from it. Neither side has ever been offended once.
It's only if someone's really gone beyond the deep end do I take offense, and not by the words chosen, but by their reasoning and emotions. Words on their own are just that - words. It does suck that a word like "gay" had to be the unfortunate target of such a negative transformation, but if I get upset, it's just gonna fuel their fire. If I play along and joke, they're gonna be confused as hell. Most people who use words like this negatively aren't that smart; classic tactics work best.
Fight back, I say! If they throw a punch, verbally or physically, throw two back. Show them we mean business. If we do, eventually they'll give this up and pick on some other word hopefully one that doesn't have such an unfortunate alternate meaning.
It does bother me when i hear really young kids (e.g. under 13) say something's gay, but really I agree with Cerberus. It's unlikely that we'll change it. We're not being passive or cowards (thanks for the insult btw, really wins me over to your side). I dont want to hide behind "realistic," but I recognize there's only so much we can do before we over-saturate the media and people stop caring. I'd rather get my rights first and let society grow into the idea later.
As for being insulted by people's usage of gay, perhaps its an age thing. Im jewish and grew up with mixed messages about "jew." The older generation thought it entirely derogatory while mine could accept it and saw it everywhere. Today you even see the word in news headlines and speeches. It's clearly been changed and I only worry when the context merits it.
Im 24 and came out when i was 19. I heard gay used here and there in high school but the usage seems to have really taken off since then (that or I became more exposed to it in college). Only a few of my old high school friends actually use gay in their regular vocabulary; while its a bit bothersome, its certainly not demeaning to me. What would be interesting to know is how younger gay kids are taking it? If I only find it bothersome, do they care at all?
Tone matters to me more than the vocabulary used. I'll remind people or twist it around on them with a joke to hopefully point out how stupid the saying is, but after a certain point there's only so much you can do if the other person simply doesn't care what you think.
I am fascinated by this thread greatly.
I am an asexual, and so have never had sex (nor anything else) and never will. I have both gay and straight friends, and I use gay quite freely, as much as I do lesb***, who**, and f***, amongst a large variety of other swear words.
Before I get onto the topic at hand, I think it erroneous to simply say as I have seen in this thread that "People who use these words are usually people you do not want to play with, so it usually serves well to avoid them" By Mary). Sorry for picking you out Mary, but I seek to make the point that using swear words, of which "gay" can be considered to be, does not make the user "bad" in some way. I am a teacher, and seem to be generally well liked, etc, and I know people well-minded people who use the terms without being those one "wouldn't want to play with". I never ever ever used to use swear words (to encroach upon the veritable Christian), which I have since relaxed in the last few years.
Onto "gay" itself, it seems clear to me that the OP and other people who have similarly expressed dislike for the word really do not like the meaning expressed behind it. That is a given, surely, but I think it needs to be stated.
What now remains to be said is this: Can a word have two unrelated meanings? Of course they can. The issue I have often seen with "gay" is that people associate the first (bad) to the second (homosexual). This is an unavoidable process of language transfer really, and people are bound to make this connection, of which has so vehemently played out upon many gay person's lives.
However, words themselves are merely words, I think it matters much more how words are used. Only in this way to they really receive meaning. These days I think the predominant meaning of "gay" seems to be derivations of "bad"; I think many of us can attest that this meaning seems to be far more common.
Therefore, someone that dislikes homosexuals and wishes to express this will always be cruel in some manner to homosexuals, no matter the word he or she uses, because it will be in a negative fashion. I think it a good thing that "gay" is slowly transitioning into merely a synonym for "bad", at least from the perspective of homosexuals (as seen by me) themselves.
For those people, such as the OP, who wish to use "gay" as a term for self-identification, I do not think it means that everyone else, who means harm, is "wrong", "naive", etc. in their usage of the word in what can commonly and statistically be identified as "bad".
That is my opinion. It is my first time posting on this site (many years reading). I apologise if I have offended anyone.
Sorry,
At the end I meant "Who do not mean harm" Instead of "who means harm".
>
"Sorry for picking you out Mary, but I seek to make the point that using swear words, of which "gay" can be considered to be, does not make the user "bad" in some way."
Except that it's not about swear words, but about language villifying minorities. I am sorry, but bigots are bad people, as simple as that. People who use bigoted language are unreflected, clueless, and disrespecting others. You do not need them around unless they grow up and stop being bigots. As simple as that. Nobody forces them to be bigots. They can stop if they want to.
I wonder, would you stand for "gosh this boss is a nigger" or any other word for another minority, and write long tirades of how "the word changed and its totally ok"? Of course not, unless you're a racist twit. Why is "gay" so different then, except that it's seen as acceptable to bash gays casually?
Because that is the crux of the matter here. Gay is used as "bad" BECAUSE it means homosexual. That's the whole point.
And to the people claiming it's impossible to change - true. Because of you. Language can be changed. Antisemitic language used to be a matter of course in my country. It, too, was changed. It just requires people to act instead of being complacent.#
I find it pretty ironic that language of that kind, too, was defended by pretty much the same pseudo arguments people use here. It's amusing to see in what company people put themselves to defend bigotry.
Mary,
A person has the choice to use words differently. Just as you said, "Language can be changed", and I find it just as offensive of you to label ALL people's usage of "gay" as "bigoted", which can be used in a manner different as opposed to direct negativity towards homosexual people. Thus, concerning the crux of the matter you have identified: "gay" CAN BE different because people CAN choose to use it differently.
"People who use bigoted language are unreflected, clueless, and disrespecting others."
Really? So african-americans, to use your example, using "nigger" are "unreflected, clueless, and disrespecting others?"
Your example of nigger, by the way, is erroneous. I know of no other prominent usage of "nigger" apart from discriminating black people. It has been taken up by the black community in an attempt to empower themselves, which i think is a wonderful thing, but I do not hear other people label a cd player they hate as a "nigger". This is why "nigger" is different.
I am not defending bigoted people--let me make that very clear. If your assertion was meant to accuse me of such I think you are being very short-sighted. Though I believe they have every right to their opinion, just as I am to mine and you are to yours, yet seemingly from what you may think, I do not agree with it.
"Gay is used as "bad" BECAUSE it means homosexual."
Yes, originally by people who I gather did not like homosexuals. But, as we have seen by people in this thread, these days with people using "gay" it is not always the case that it is against homosexuals. These days I think it would be more correct to say the pejorative sense has stayed in common usage, but the subject is changing/changed.
Granted, it doesn't make the topic easy because "gay" is also used as a term of self-identification. Nevertheless, I think my points still stand.
Please do not think I am attacking you. I would never call someone "gay" with the sense of belittling them in some way or other. It is not nice. But that doesn't mean that when I do use the word to refer to something I that I am a bigot or somesuch.
An interesting topic, and in a sense alot of commotion about a single word which tbh is a contradictory word. It can mean happy, homosexual and stupid, and I doubt very much there will be many situations where the term "that is so gay" will mean all of the above. It to me is a bit of an annoying word, and when someone says it I growl a little on the inside but as many people have said they do not say it because there homophobic, its just a trend word to say, eventually the word will either become common, or eventually be washed away into obscurity and replaced with other slang. So I guess its just a case that if you don't like the word just take a deep breath and sigh a little, unless its used on purpose in a derogotory way ofc.
One word which has been mentioned afew times which is an awful name is fag, deriving from faggot which was a circle of fire used to burn herotics, educated women and homosexuals because it went agains the church, the word fag imo is unaacpetable as like the word "nigger" its sole purpose is a derogtery term saying you should burn.
So yeah, gay isn't really acceptable but best to just go with the flow as its not really harmful, but fag is just an awful word.
CmdrViel: It's interesting that you thought I was being insulting by saying those who don't speak out are being passive (notice I did not say cowards). If hearing gay substituted for bad doesn't prompt a reaction from you, then passive is exactly what you are being. There's no intended insult from me in that statement, only a call to action.
Simpy: What about the queer youth growing up hearing, non-stop, the word gay to refer to bad situations? How can he or she come out as gay when the word already carries such a negative connotation with it? Will we come to a day when we have to say "Oh, I'm queer, but not GAY"? These are interesting questions to me.
I'm a bisexual man, and I use the word "gay" as a derogatory term as well, to note something weak and lame, AND as a regular, positive word, to describe a hommosexual man. It's all in the tone; like the word "junk" or "prick", or any of a thousand other words that have double-meanings....
In other words, lighten up. Find actual, important things to be angry about: hate crimes, homophobia in Congress, ban on same-sex marriage, or not allowing gays to adopt... the world is full of real issues, which were real before the word became another word for "lame" and would stay real when the "kids" start using something else next year. Like "duck". Your post was such a duck...
I myself am not offended by people using 'gay' in that context as such, in that I don't feel I am being personally insulted or oppressed or whatever, nor do I feel that people that say it are necessarily homophobes, even though, yes, it is an inherently homophobic use of the word (given even brief thought it quite clearly evolved from calling someone/thing 'gay-as-in-homosexual' as an insult, which through overuse has lost the homosexual element in many peoples minds so it just becomes a general insult, like bastard meaning a person born out of wedlock, and bastard meaning a generally obnoxious person.)
But though it doesn't hurt my Feelings, it does hurt my Intellect. People who throw 'gay' around like that are saying it purely out of habit, without thinking. They are stupidly propagating a meme they would know is unpleasant if they actually ran these words by their brain before saying them, and then get defensive when they're pulled up on it. People who throw 'gay' around like that are just witlessly spouting things they've heard other people say without considering their implications. They are generally morons who will say absolutely anything if they hear someone else say it enough. They are weak-minded parrots, dullards and simpletons.
When I hear someone say "That's so gay(-as-in-lame)!" I do not think "Oh no, my Rights and Liberty!" I think "You're a fucking idiot and I can safely disregard all your thoughts and opinions as they are clearly without intelligence and merit."
I don't like that use of the word and want it gone, though I don't think running campaigns telling people it's hurtful, as some groups do, will help. The gayness needs to be put back into 'gay', so that people can't say it offhand without equating it to homosexuality (or its original meaning), and then they need convincing not that it's homophobic or offends gay people, but that that particular use of the words makes a person sound like a moron. Most of these people won't care if the word is harmful to someone else, but they'd stop saying it quick enough if they thought it was harmful to their own credibility.
Can't stop the rain, son. Language evolves.
I agree that its a problem. To be fair no one is walking around and saying thats so white, black jewish or Asian?
I don't think people should be walking around calling something gay. unless it is fabulous.
I get very offended by it.
Even if it was true that most people using it aren't doing so for homophobic reasons (which I have serious doubts over anyway), the connections it makes are damaging.
And you have to think, how did it get to this point. Can you honestly say that when gay first began being used like this, it wasn't for homophobic reasons? You really think people just chose gay at random?
As for the people saying how the whole language changing is a natural process. Then I propose we claim a new word for ourselves. From now on we'll start refering to homosexuals as cool. I'm cool, you're cool, men doing sexual things with other men is cool. :P
If it means anything, Im the GS Clerk that speaks up and requests that the casually offending customer please reconsider the use of thier language in my store as the use of the word gay in that fashion is compleately unacceptable.
I have in the past barred people from my store for the very same offence. These are of course extreme cases that feel the need to defend thier own ignorance.
I always say innocence is bliss, Ignorance is a choice.
It's just a word. Everyone takes everything so personally.
JG: That's certainly one position. But I bet a lot of b*tches, sp*cs, ni**ers, fa**ots, c*nts, k*kes, g**ks, ch*nks, w*tb*cks, sandni**ers, rednecks, cr@ckers, breeders, j*ps, kr**ts, w*ps, d*gos, br*wnies, hym*es, frogs, inj*ns, p@kis, ore0s, t*welheads and t@r b@bies might disagree.
"Some people also use gay to mean 'happy'
... how dare they associated gay and happy when I'm actually rather cynical and depressed... "
Please allow me to introduce you to a concept you seem to be ignorant of, it's called 'context'.