Welcome to GayGamer's very first PlayNerd Centerfold!
We felt that "game developer superstud" was an underrepresented subsection of the population, and so we decided to host a series of developer interviews to justify smearing adorable ubernerds with body paint. So we made that happen, because that is apparently a thing that we can do. Please enjoy!
In our first PlayNerd Centerfold feature, GayGamer hopes to expose gaming professionals the right way with a long, hard look at indie sin-sation Dejobaan Games president, Ichiro Lambe. His hands have crafted some head-turning titles including an Independent Games Festival finalist called Aaaaa!!! -- A Reckless Disregard For Gravity that really makes gamers scream when they play it. He also crafted the first ever "Who Is An Indie Gamer" pole... er, poll last year.
The PlayNerd Doctor is in; enjoy our extremely thorough first examination below!
Ichiro, your peers told us you were smart AND sexy; we're glad we listened...
What's the wildest reaction you've had playing a video game?
Floyd from Planetfall made me cry in the early '80s. On the other end, I've felt significant rage at being trounced at Soul Caliber. Effing Maxi.
What was your initial reaction to being accepted as a PlayNerd Centerfold model?
Awesomeness! Look, I spent much of my life being a small, sorta-scrawny half-asian kid. I never thought much of my looks or my dating prospects. I thought I might die a spinster-er. But, as some people find Jesus, I found salsa dancing, fitted clothing, and a modest amount of charm. Nowadays, I feel significantly more handsome. Something like being asked to smile for the camera for PlayNerd Centerfold? Come on -- that's the world saying, "people think you look nice, and it's because you worked for it." It's genuinely empowering and gratifying.
What about your job excites you?
#1: Game development is the fascinating, mind-blowing stuff I'd be doing even if it weren't my job. It's all about creating tiny universes for people to enjoy -- what's not to love? On Sunday evening, I'm chomping at the bit to get back to work.
#2: Leading a team head-first into a project. They follow, and you have to pretend you know what you're doing, making it up every step of the way. It's one of the most grueling yet exhilarating feelings. And if you don't screw up the first time, you build up enough trust with your team that you get to do it again. And again. And if you're picking the right projects, it's terrifying each and every time.
#3: It's the Golden Age of video games. The industry's still small enough such that individual developers can make an impact on how we make games for years and decades to come.
What games have gotten you the most worked up?
The last few games that have kept me up until 5am have been Minecraft and Farbs' Captain Successor. But some of my older favorites are Tribes (how many sessions lasted to 2am?), Deus Ex (I saved my brother Paul!), and Katamari Damacy. For Katamari's sense of unique character, simple-yet-compelling gameplay, and broad appeal, I think it's one of the world's most perfect games.
What's the wildest reaction you've had working on something?
Sometimes, at 3:06am, when everyone's asleep, and you're feeling loopy and are knee-deep in noodles of code, the world around you just goes quiet, and you hear a "click." Something beautiful and unexpected happens, be it a pile of math coming together, a simple mechanic that changes the entire game, or an idea so huge that you have to type it out as fast as you can just to keep your brain from spilling over. That "eureka!" moment is an instant that's... I dunno, call it "pure." It feels as though you've just opened your eyes, and you see a whole new world to explore. I live for these moments.
Nerd, geek, fanboy, otaku (etc.). What's your preferred pet name?
Geek! Does everyone pick "geek"? I bet everyone picks "geek." It's come to mean "Hey, now that we're in the 21st century, intelligent, technically-inclined people can be sociable and well-paid. We've been vindicated!"
What gaming characters do you think are hot?
Alyx Vance is half Asian (one of us!), so I think she's great. Hell, isn't Chell also supposed to be half Asian? And Jade from Beyond Good and Evil? (Alésia Glidewell and Shannyn Sossamon are both part Asian, anyway.) I like all of them -- it's nice to see multiracial people represented in video games.
How about Gordon Freeman? Who doesn't find competence and a beard sexy? When I was 13, I thought the Queen from Battle Chess was hot, though she was not actually hirsute. On the other hand, I do not think that Lara Croft is, because I feel she was engineered by committee.
What's the secret behind your presentable package?
"Show me a guy who is afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time," a quote from Lou Brock. I think it's worth trying crazy shit out, because sometimes you'll happen on something that's pretty sweet, like a zebra-print hoodie. It works! But you can only get there if you screw up every now and again. I was always afraid of people laughing at me. But now, you know, let 'em laugh. Other things I think every gent should have:
- A good pair of shoes.
- Fitted shirts.
- An excellent blazer. Goes well with jeans.
- A friend to say, "Hey, here's something you can try that's out of your comfort zone. Do it!"
Do you have any toys you enjoy playing with?
Do you mean sensual toys? Do people count? Toying with people's emotions? Making people feel as though you love them, then using the uneven power dynamic to get them to act against their morals as a means of attaining sexual gratification? No. That's actually pretty horrible, and I'm not sure why you would suggest such a thing. I consider myself to be a decent person -- for example, today, I felt that a friend might want more hot chocolate than he had. But if I'd asked him if he wanted some of mine, he'd have declined for feeling guilty about taking some of mine. How foolish! So instead, I asked him if he would have been happier if he'd gotten the larger size, and when he said, "You know, I actually would have," I shared half of mine. I didn't need 24 ounces of the stuff. So, we were both happy. Then, I kicked a waif in the ribcage, but that's okay, because they don't have feelings.
Add one to the Kama Sutra book: If sex were done Aaaa! or Kick It style, how would it happen?
I am hereby electing to pour my efforts into answering this very question. As it happens, we have a... guide... that we give to all incoming interns. Attached to this e-mail, I have attached a diagram from this (attached) from this guide. And here is the description, also from this guide: "CHAPTER XIV, ON FALLING, KICKING, AND SCREAMING"
WHEN love becomes intense, partnered screaming is undertaken, and it is done in the following ways: when falling from a tall building; when listening to Victoria Beckham within the earbuds; at the time when an angry lover is reconciled; and, lastly, whenever alcohol is involved.
But screaming, by itself, is not a sole method of deriving pleasure, but must be paired with biting or kicking. Flailing nudely in tandem, the lovers may produce the following patterns:
- Half Wheat
- AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! Face
- The Dragon's Paw
- Kicking it Old School
- Jellyfish Jellyfish Lump Lump Lump
- Sensual Dejobaan Pony
- The Lotus
While we'd like photos to show off some of these positions, we have to keep the site somewhat tame. Thanks again to Dejobaan Games for being voluntarily objectified. Check back for more gaming professionals baring their brawns, brains, and sometimes their brawny brains! Remember, "Be objectified! Your games already are!"