Word from the wire is that the vaporware classic, Duke Nukem Forever, has been pushed back form May 3rd to June 14th. It's the latest in the long like of sick jokes -- at this point, I'm beginning to believe that Andy Kaufman may be alive and well after all -- that have evoked despondent sighs from those, unlike me, who have been desperately seeking another day with the Duke.
I'll confess that I am mildly interested -- with the ever-repeating waves of hype and disappointment, I'm curious to see the end result of this perilous venture -- but I've never taken to the Whole Duke Nukem phenomenon. I played its predecessor with tepid enjoyment; the gameplay was solid enough, and Duke Nukem 3D arrived during the simpler times of FPS gaming. Your mission was always something along the lines of "shoot everything that moves with ridiculously cool guns," and the kids over at 3D Realms played it out admirably. The guns were in fact ridiculous, enemies were fairly well designed, and killing that final boss did send a torrent of satisfaction rushing through my headspace. Still, the general atmosphere, as well as Duke himself, turned me off. Part of it is that I simply don't enjoy camp humor; part of it was that my art-boy nature never quite embraced the "beer and chicks" set of interests that seemed to saturate every aspect of the game. Granted much of it was satirical (dear god, let us hope so), but I simply didn't find that sort of environment appealing -- at all. This was also a time in which I was a firm Doom devotee, so in comparison, Duke Nukem 3D came across as a bit of throwaway fun. That being said, the madcap in me can't help but think that no one would make a better spokesman for the gay (and gay-friendly) community than our favorite sunglasses-sporting superpatriot. "I'm Duke Nukem, here to tell you that I support marriage equality, and you should too. Come on, don't be such a wuss."
Duke Nukem Forever: Like an eagle riding a bullet, emerging in a dazzling display of fireworks from Ronald Reagan's favorite commie-hunting rifle.