Hey guys and gals! Thank you for all of your questions! Remember to send all queries to firstname.lastname@example.org. Today I have carefully selected a letter from a fellow Gaymer. He writes:
I wanted to know what you think about gift giving time in a Gaymer relationship? I feel so awkward when my boyfriend asks me what I want for my birthday. I want to ask for things like Elder Scrolls: Skyrim or Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword but I end up feeling less like a gay man and more like a kid. It seems like with most gay men there is a big emphasis on looks or fashion so I feel as if I should be asking for things like Armani cologne or a new H&M sweater. This pressure to be "fashion conscious" can make me uncomfortable when I tell him what I want. Should I ask for something more fashionably "gay" or just fess up about my real wish list?
Please make the jump for a response to Josh's question!
Back in the summer of 2008 I went out with a guy who showed up to our coffee date dressed to the nines. He was wearing a crisp button down orange shirt, a blue blazer, slim fit leather slacks (in August!) and the shiniest shoes I had ever seen. I squirmed in my seat. My face burned red with feelings of clothing shame as I glanced down at my own threads: a simple white T-shirt, blue jeans, and some seriously scuffed converse shoes. He stole what felt like imperious glances at my clothing while going on about his up and coming career in fashion, his Prada shoes, and his day job at Barney's as a personal shoper for the upwardly trendy.
When he asked about my interests I went on to discuss my obsession with my newly purchased PS3 and how I was stoked that I had probably scored one of the last Sony SKUs to have backwards compatibility. I continued to gush about my fascination with the simple yet elegant X Media Bar (its just like my PSP!) and my writing and gaming projects. He laughed and said "You still play video games?! I haven't played those games since my Super Nintendo. Have you ever played a game called Chrono Trigger? I loved that game!" I relaxed a bit and listened to him go on about how cool it was to team up attacks in the game and how it really felt like a movie at times.
What?! Was this seemingly bitchy queen geeking out on me!? He went on to say was intimidated by today's games, fearing they had become too complex but was always curious to play again! I was flabbergasted! I realized I had spent so much time in my own head worrying about what he might think about me that I ended up being the judgy one to what turned out to be a very nice guy.
Everybody has different ideas about what is fashionable and we cannot always read a book by its cover. My well dressed date (who complimented me on my kelly green converse by the way) showed me that if I spend too much time worrying about what others think of me then I might miss out on meeting some really cool new people or learning about a new passion.
Chances are if you feel you can't tell your boyfriend or potential dates that you really want the new Zelda game, then they are probably not the right guy for you. We don't have to spend any time with people who make us feel bad about ourselves. A good tactic is to feel new people out and be honest with yourself about what you really want. If you truly pine for an Elder Scrolls game then tell him! If the guy is not being receptive you can move right along. There will surely be another one who is more deserving of your time. Just keep looking in the right places! Which means gaming sites and gaymer meetups. You are already logged into one of the largest gaymer communities in the world! Gaygamer.net! With some patience with yourself you will find someone who shares your gaming interests and can help celebrate the kind of Gaymer you are.