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Ask ROCsteady! Gayming And Romance

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Hey guys and gals! Thank you for all of your questions! Remember to send all queries to rocsteadygg@gmail.com. Today I have carefully selected a letter from a fellow Gaymer. He writes:

Dear ROCsteady,

I wanted to know what you think about gift giving time in a Gaymer relationship? I feel so awkward when my boyfriend asks me what I want for my birthday. I want to ask for things like Elder Scrolls: Skyrim or Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword but I end up feeling less like a gay man and more like a kid. It seems like with most gay men there is a big emphasis on looks or fashion so I feel as if I should be asking for things like Armani cologne or a new H&M sweater. This pressure to be "fashion conscious" can make me uncomfortable when I tell him what I want. Should I ask for something more fashionably "gay" or just fess up about my real wish list?

Josh

Please make the jump for a response to Josh's question!

Dear Josh,

Back in the summer of 2008 I went out with a guy who showed up to our coffee date dressed to the nines. He was wearing a crisp button down orange shirt, a blue blazer, slim fit leather slacks (in August!) and the shiniest shoes I had ever seen. I squirmed in my seat. My face burned red with feelings of clothing shame as I glanced down at my own threads: a simple white T-shirt, blue jeans, and some seriously scuffed converse shoes. He stole what felt like imperious glances at my clothing while going on about his up and coming career in fashion, his Prada shoes, and his day job at Barney's as a personal shoper for the upwardly trendy.

When he asked about my interests I went on to discuss my obsession with my newly purchased PS3 and how I was stoked that I had probably scored one of the last Sony SKUs to have backwards compatibility. I continued to gush about my fascination with the simple yet elegant X Media Bar (its just like my PSP!) and my writing and gaming projects. He laughed and said "You still play video games?! I haven't played those games since my Super Nintendo. Have you ever played a game called Chrono Trigger? I loved that game!" I relaxed a bit and listened to him go on about how cool it was to team up attacks in the game and how it really felt like a movie at times.

What?! Was this seemingly bitchy queen geeking out on me!? He went on to say was intimidated by today's games, fearing they had become too complex but was always curious to play again! I was flabbergasted! I realized I had spent so much time in my own head worrying about what he might think about me that I ended up being the judgy one to what turned out to be a very nice guy.

Everybody has different ideas about what is fashionable and we cannot always read a book by its cover. My well dressed date (who complimented me on my kelly green converse by the way) showed me that if I spend too much time worrying about what others think of me then I might miss out on meeting some really cool new people or learning about a new passion.

Chances are if you feel you can't tell your boyfriend or potential dates that you really want the new Zelda game, then they are probably not the right guy for you. We don't have to spend any time with people who make us feel bad about ourselves. A good tactic is to feel new people out and be honest with yourself about what you really want. If you truly pine for an Elder Scrolls game then tell him! If the guy is not being receptive you can move right along. There will surely be another one who is more deserving of your time. Just keep looking in the right places! Which means gaming sites and gaymer meetups. You are already logged into one of the largest gaymer communities in the world! Gaygamer.net! With some patience with yourself you will find someone who shares your gaming interests and can help celebrate the kind of Gaymer you are.

9 Comments

boy1der1983 said:

I have to second ROCsteady's opinion. If you can't be honest with your boyfriend about your interests, it won't be long until you wilk find yourself being unhappy with your situation sooner that later.

You will find the right person when it's meant to be :)

I actually met my partner shortly after I began following this site. I didt meet him here, but having the forums to remind me that there are many gaymers out there of all types, gave me the confidence to own my comic and game loving self in social settings.

My partner isn't much of a gaymer, in fact he only plays one game Oblivian. But he is very much looking forward to Skyrim, he even has it on Pre order at gamestop. It's most likely the only game he has ever pre ordered. You can rest assured that there is at least one other gay guy who is interested in Skyrim.

honestd said:

This is the truth, right here. This isn't even a gay/straight thing. I'm a straight guy who's dated girls both into, and sooooooo not into games, and guess which relationships lasted longer? Now my wife isn't exactly the gameiest of people but she was willing to show interest in video games, to the point where she researches Co-op games for us to play together, and forsakes her "brain candy" novel time on the commute in to work, for some quality time with Bowsers Inside Story. By the same token, I'm not a gardener, but through sharing her interests, I have a great sense of reward when it's time to harvest tomatoes or blueberries!

I might be getting off topic here, but the thread is similar... your perfect mate might not be a gamer, but he should at least not make you feel like less of a (gay) man for being one.

Jake A Mule said:

If you really want to match both gay and gamer, just merge the 2. Cosplay sex.

Richard said:

You just gotta be upfront. He may be a secret geek, or he may not, but either way if he's appreciative of you he'll run out and get you your geeky desire! If he doesn't, then maybe it's time to move on. My husband is not the least bit a game but he adores my gaming because he loves me.

The question I would pose to you is: why aren't you confident enough with yourself to lay out there your gaming desires? Maybe you should consider your self-confidence and work to boost it a bit.

But if the dude is being a jerk about it, dump him ;)

Buckbuck79 said:

You shouldnt feel awkward for what you are into. If some one likes/loves you they will accept every aspect of you. Some guys (myself included) love geeky guys.

Nathan said:

You should not be ashamed to ask for a game at all. Gaming isn't just for kids anymore.

Greg said:

#1 - I don't tolerate being asked what I want, so that strategy might work for you! I feel like my boyfriend should either be able to pick out an appropriate gift on his own (which he does a good job of - last year I got a PS3), or have the decency to text my friends behind my back to ask THEM what I want. That's just how it should work. :)

#2 - Please please don't worry about having to be a stereotypical Fashion Gay. You're into what you're into, and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

Jim St Ruth said:

You definately shouldn't be hesitant to ask for what you want, life's too short! I don't care if gaming is a kids thing or not, I love it... and being an adult would be sooo boring if you had to be serious and grown up all the time.

I'm lucky in that although my bf's not a gaymer, he's a huge Scooby Doo fan :)

JisJay said:

Boo! What a rip-off! Do you guys just troll Gay-nerds.com and steal all their ideas, or what?

Try thinking for yourselves sometime.

And girls who like girls who like rumble packs!

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