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Ask ROCsteady! Gayming And Romance

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Hey there Gaymers! ROCsteady here with another question on romance and gayming! Remember to send your questions to my email address for a chance to have it answered here on Gaygamer.net!

Today's question is from Caleb. He writes.

Dear ROCsteady,

I am having trouble meeting guys who are Gaymers. In fact meeting other gay guys has been difficult for me in general. So I'm wondering, how do you know if a guy is a gamer and more importantly how do you know if he's gay?

Thanks!

- Caleb

Dear Caleb,

If only life were like Portal 2's Aperture Testing Facility and all the tools we needed were clearly labeled and all of life's tests had neat, elegant solutions. Of course then we would be trapped in a death maze with several psychotic super computers. Considering the options, I'd rather take a little social ambiguity!

Since what we like (and who we like) is not clearly printed on our foreheads, finding like minded individuals can be tricky if you don't know where to look or how to attract them. However, with a little planning and some Gaymer flair you can begin to find people just like you in your local community. Here are some tactics I have used throughout my years of dating and gaming to help stir up some interest from other Gaymers.

1. Flaunt it if you got it!

No, I'm not talking about looks. I'm talking about your inner geek! Gaymers are attracted to other Gaymers so like a peacock with its feathers you must fluff your own. T-shirts, gear, and accessories that advertise your favorite games work wonders when looking to strike up a conversation with a stranger. I know if I see someone with a Kingdom Hearts tee or a Zelda Twilight Princess backpack I will compliment them on it. If the person is amiable enough this will sometimes spark a conversation on gaming habits and possibly even a debate. If your local store does not stock them you can always try online. You probably already know where to look but just in case, you can check out crazydogtshirts. The selection is huge.

2. Your Smart Phone has yet ANOTHER purpose!

Almost everyone I know has a custom ringtone. From Beyonce to Adele, to The Black Mages , we are now able to express ourselves phonetically. My current tone is Final Fantasy XIII's battle music "Blinded by Light" (a favorite of the series) which you can find for purchase in iTunes.

You can use the site Myxer to create quick and easy ringtones from any of your favorite game music. It's also nice to check that you've actually purchased the music so the artist that made it can get paid. My tone totally worked for me the other day at the gym. While working out, "Those Who Fight Further" came blasting out of a neighboring guy's phone (total hottie!). He blushed and killed the music. I slyly set my phone's alarm to play my own tone minutes later. When he heard the music he brightened instantly and we chatted and ended up having lunch together. A little preparation netted me a new friend and co-op partner!

3. Location, Location, Location

Geographically, where are you located? Living in a big city that is more liberal, particularly in those states or provinces that support same-sex marriage (congrats, New York!) would be a tremendous help for you because there are likely to be more of us visable and the Gaymer pool larger.

If you are in a smaller town and Gaymers tend to be less visible then I recommend checking out your local game store and chat with the clerks about local meetups. Also, go online and use your favorite forums to communicate with local Gaymers. Gaygamer.net Is a great environment to find other Gaymers who are nearby. You can even create your own local group in our forums to attract those nearby who are looking for new friends too!

4. Ask the Right Questions and Use Your Gaydar

We aren't mind readers. Even if you have a superb "gaydar," knowing if someone is gay is next to impossible without asking some questions. When I'm unsure about a guy I try to work "significant others" into the conversation. If, for instance the converstion were about Rock Band I'd say something like, "So, when you play the drums, is your girlfriend on guitar?" This statement is direct, and innocuous. If the guy is straight he will let you know by his response. Again, this isn't fool proof because even if he says no to having a girlfriend he might still be straight. Use your gaydar to read his body language to check for signs of flirtation. If you sense he's flirting, flirt back! Take a chance, he might be thinking the same things you are!

5. Confidence and Perseverance

Wearing t-shirts and making ringtones are all well and good but in the end it is your personality and spirit that make the grade when meeting other Gaymers and potential dates. I know when a guy approaches me with confidence and style (always respectfully of course) that I almost have no choice but to notice! If he is friendly (and respectful) I will always be responsive. Nice guys always finish first in my book.

Ultimately, Caleb, all of this takes practice and patience, much like your hard earned gamer score. Just like a tough achievement or trophy, it's not easy to walk up to a hot guy and chat him up. But take heart and be brave and you will find those new friends or that special guy before you know it!

5 Comments

Branovices said:

Or... you could ask. Do we really need to use all this cloak and dagger nonsense anymore? Or if you don't want to ask directly, say that you're gay and it's hard to meet other gay gamers... if you're talking to a gay gamer they will likely agree.

Charlie said:

Good advice, also it's not a bad idea to add the words "gamer" or "video games" to any online profiles. It identifies you and also gives people a hook to use for striking up a conversation on chat and dating sites.

rawr said:

Soooo my favorite is having my city (closest major city) in my handle.... and of course have a mic.... people from your area ALWAYS say hi and by the end of the convo I usually either tell them I'm gay or get there facebook etc to get more info.... have met a ton of people like that :-) key is to get into private chat and not be intimidating.

Perish_Song said:

What kind of advice is telling someone that moving to one of the gay ghettos is a viable solution. This kind of thinking should have died in the 90's.

Mittens said:

Roc's advice about flaunting it is so true. I wear game tees to my gym, and lots of people start up conversations by commenting on them.

I would take it one step further (and perhaps more circuitous) to say that WOMEN ARE AWESOME resources. When a female gamer compliments my game shirt, commitment to playing my PSP on the treadmill, or my other flare (I have a P4 Kanji charm hanging from my PSP), I can pretty much guarantee they know available gay dudes. And a big smile never hurts.

When I met my boyfriend, I had no reason to believe he was a gamer. But he came with me to PAX East, he's been playing through a small stable of newbie friendly titles, and he's been addicted to CIV for years. Not a gamer, just open to it. (We even played DnD for the first time the other night.) So be optimistic--you might meet an fantastic gamer-in-the-making.

And girls who like girls who like rumble packs!

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Mittens on Ask ROCsteady! Gayming And Romance: Roc's advice about flaunting it is so true. I wear game tees to my gym, and lots of people start...

Perish_Song on Ask ROCsteady! Gayming And Romance: What kind of advice is telling someone that moving to one of the gay ghettos is a viable solution. This...

rawr on Ask ROCsteady! Gayming And Romance: Soooo my favorite is having my city (closest major city) in my handle.... and of course have a mic.... people...

Charlie on Ask ROCsteady! Gayming And Romance: Good advice, also it's not a bad idea to add the words "gamer" or "video games" to any online profiles....

Branovices on Ask ROCsteady! Gayming And Romance: Or... you could ask. Do we really need to use all this cloak and dagger nonsense anymore? Or if you...

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