It's 2011, and in addition to the lack of robot maids, flying cars, and an energy array powered by the joy of having robot maids and flying cars, we are still without Diablo III. It's a grim ol' world, but Blizzard has decided to shine a little bit of sunlight on our frosty hearts, providing some fresh details about the Diablo III Collector's Edition.
"Aesthetic Artifacts" help you battle the multitude minions in style, allowing you to "call forth glowing angel wings, unfurl an exclusive banner, and dye your armor sets with the Bottled Cloud or Bottled Smoke items" - because the apocalypse doesn't mean one should sacrifice good fashion sense, and you know that on the inside, you're heroically vain. WoW players can will be treated to a "Fetish Shaman Pet," and Starcraft II enthusiasts can snatch up "an exclusive army decal and three Diablo-themed Battle.net portraits." Other benefits are pretty standard fare: You will receive the Diablo III soundtrack, a "making of" DVD/Blu-Ray set
which will have been uploaded to YouTube the day after the game's release running over an hour, and a 208 page art book.
However, the coolest little diddy (in my opinion) is the thumb drive included in the package. "Shackle your PC into unholy slavery
and answer the beckon call of he, the father of all lies, Lord Lucifer. Forsake Christ and join the legion damned, basking in the warmth of sin and hellfire, and swimming in a sea of maggots as the intoxicating scent of sulfur fills your nostrils with this 4GB USB soulstone and Diablo skull base" (in the interest of full disclosure, this isn't quoted verbatim). Despite being a man who most certainly doesn't still have the puny "Manculous" figure from the collector's edition of Doom III - it would have been an extraordinary waste of money, and thus I find it most heartening that said pewter-thing isn't currently staring at me from atop my monitor while I write this - I do see the appeal in such gimmicky collector's items. Within this little mechanical wonder, is a copy of Diablo II and Lord of Destruction expansion pack. Obviously, it's not a tremendous selling point for those who still have their old copies, but for one like myself, whose beloved Diablo II discs have been lost to the pages of history/basement, it's a nice bonus.
So there you go: against all odds, it seems that Diablo III may turn out to be more than a cruel illusion after all. I'm still slightly suspicious, feeding my pessimism by clinging to the theory that "Diablo III" is little more than some kind of cruel social experiment, or Blizzard's attempt to try to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for "most aneurysms caused in 24 hours" after the big reveal that the fabled game is little more than a vicious prank, but as always, I encourage them to prove me wrong. Hop to it, kids.