It's your fifth birthday today, but everyone seems to have forgotten all about you these days. I mean, did you even know there's a Wii version of CoD: Modern Warfare 3? I'm guessing not. Your countrymen have abandoned you for other consoles, those legions of grandparents have long ago moved on from Wii Sports, and now even your own company has moved on and started talking about your successor, the Wii U.
It's okay, though. We didn't forget the PS3's birthday, and we certainly won't forget yours. You're special. You're different. It's not all about realistic graphics, uniting galaxies against ancient threats, or reclaiming lost souls with you. It's about fun. Make the jump to see why we still love you, Wii.
1. People breaking their TVs and hitting each other with Wiimotes will never stop being funny. For real, it won't. How could it? You've managed to take all the fun of video game violence and bring it straight into our living rooms with all the cracked screens and black eyes we could hope for. Just look at this video, then sit there and think about all the other, presumably ridiculous but definitely hilarious, situations that weren't caught on camera. That truly is your gift to the world, Wii.
2. You pair extremely well with alcohol. So there's this game, called Mario Kart, you've probably heard of it, and it has got this unofficial mode that makes it the best party game ever devised by man. It's called Don't Drink and Drive. Basically, before you finish all three laps of a race, you've got to drink an entire beer. But, and this is important, you can't drink and drive at the same time (cause that's bad, duh). You've got to stop the kart and put the controller down before you can pick up your beer and start the assault on your liver. I promise it's amazing.
And that's just one of the many ways that you pair so well with alcohol, Wii. Because you require more movement and bodily control than a typical video game console, the debilitating effects of alcohol become more and more apparent/funny that much faster. I, personally, would like to thank you for enriching my college experience and hopefully the rest of my life with the wiggly antics you provide.
3. You exacerbated the "hardcore vs. casual" to incredible new heights. On one hand, this worn out debate illustrates the fascinating concepts of identity formation among a group of largely unrelated, or only mildly related, people coming from a diverse set of backgrounds and socioeconomic classes (a.k.a. hardcore gamers) and how they defend that identity from a perceived attack or invasion from groups they had come to understand as outsiders, or the so called casual gamers. And on the other hand, it's just funny to see people argue for ages over something they know is relatively petty. To each his own, I suppose.
4. Your low graphical power has forced some unusual, but amazing, graphical styles. You've been put down for your technical specs pretty much since the day Satoru Iwata gave birth to you, but they're nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it's refreshing. Since developers can't do their usual unrelenting realism like they are so fond of on Xbox and PS3, they have to turn to different styles in their art. And what amazing styles they are! Sure, not every game is a beautiful departure from what we're used to, but with even a handful of games like Muramasa and LoZ: Skyward Sword giving us bright, vibrant colors instead of bland grays, your power is more than justified.
5. The Wiimote and Nunchuck are the only lefty-friendly controllers. Left handed people are the largest unrepresented minority in the world, a full 10% of the population, and yet somehow constantly slip through the cracks. Instead of forcing them to get used to your controller with their awkward right hand, you were all cool and said, "Just switch the hand you're holding the Wiimote in, bro." And all left handed gamers thank you for that.
So there we go. Don't be sad on your birthday, Wii. There'll always be space on our shelf for you.