Mean Girls. The Video Game.

This is so fetch.

It’s been 10 years since Mean Girls first hit screens, becoming an instant classic that is as quotable as it is hilarious. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t reference a line from the movie, use a .gif of Regina George t…

Read more

GGOTY 2014: Gayest Games of the Year

Last year our Gayest Games of the Year list was quite popular, so why not do it again? Especially when 2014 has been an even bigger year for gay games than last year. While many of the 2013 titles had major queer themes not all of them had explicitly…

Read more

A different kind of Elven Rogue: a look at Sera

Note: This is the third in a series of articles exploring the diverse cast of BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition. The following contains details from all points of Sera’s sub-plot in Dragon Age: Inquisition, including her ultimate romance sub-quest.

Read more

The Legend of Korra series finale was a big win for gay geeks

If you haven’t already been hit with spoilers regarding the finale of Nickelodeon’s hit series The Legend of Korra be forewarned that this post is going to be chock full of spoilers from the moment you click ‘read more’. You have been warned.

The …

Read more

A different kind of Sophisticated Gent: a look at Dorian Pavus

Note: This is the second in a series of articles exploring the diverse cast of BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition. The following contains details from all points of Dorian’s sub-plot in Dragon Age: Inquisition, including his ultimate romance sub-quest…

Read more

Review: Coming Out On Top

You may or may not remember those “for girls” boardgames where you play a babysitter or whatever and you date boys…  They tended to have a few different kinds of boys, and you knew who they were the moment you saw them.  There was the blond goody t…

Read more

A different kind of Bodice Ripper: a look at the Iron Bull

Note: This is the first in a series of articles exploring the diverse cast of BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition. The following contains details from all points of the Iron Bull’s sub-plot in Dragon Age: Inquisition, including his ultimate romance sub…

Read more

Mean Girls. The Video Game.

This is so fetch.

It’s been 10 years since Mean Girls first hit screens, becoming an instant classic that is as quotable as it is hilarious. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t reference a line from the movie, use a .gif of Regina George t…

Read more

GGOTY 2014: Gayest Games of the Year

Last year our Gayest Games of the Year list was quite popular, so why not do it again? Especially when 2014 has been an even bigger year for gay games than last year. While many of the 2013 titles had major queer themes not all of them had explicitly…

Read more

A different kind of Elven Rogue: a look at Sera

Note: This is the third in a series of articles exploring the diverse cast of BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition. The following contains details from all points of Sera’s sub-plot in Dragon Age: Inquisition, including her ultimate romance sub-quest.

Read more

The Legend of Korra series finale was a big win for gay geeks

If you haven’t already been hit with spoilers regarding the finale of Nickelodeon’s hit series The Legend of Korra be forewarned that this post is going to be chock full of spoilers from the moment you click ‘read more’. You have been warned.

The …

Read more

A different kind of Sophisticated Gent: a look at Dorian Pavus

Note: This is the second in a series of articles exploring the diverse cast of BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition. The following contains details from all points of Dorian’s sub-plot in Dragon Age: Inquisition, including his ultimate romance sub-quest…

Read more

Review: Coming Out On Top

You may or may not remember those “for girls” boardgames where you play a babysitter or whatever and you date boys…  They tended to have a few different kinds of boys, and you knew who they were the moment you saw them.  There was the blond goody t…

Read more

A different kind of Bodice Ripper: a look at the Iron Bull

Note: This is the first in a series of articles exploring the diverse cast of BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition. The following contains details from all points of the Iron Bull’s sub-plot in Dragon Age: Inquisition, including his ultimate romance sub…

Read more

Mean Girls. The Video Game.

This is so fetch.

It’s been 10 years since Mean Girls first hit screens, becoming an instant classic that is as quotable as it is hilarious. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t reference a line from the movie, use a .gif of Regina George to respond to something, note that the limit does not exist, or chastise someone for trying to make something happen that’s not going to happen. This is one of those movies that truly defines a generation.

Today it finally becomes a video game. Cue every gay squee noise I can muster.

meangirls logo

Via So Much Drama Studios:

“If You Have Ever Felt Personally Victimized by Regina George, This Game is For You

Designed as an easily accessible ‘tiara-defense’ game, Mean Girls finds the original Plastics at peace with their world, when a new upstart Plastics clique attempts to take control of North Shore High School by piecing together the broken Spring Fling Tiara. Players can select from eight of their favorite Mean Girls characters—Cady, Regina, Gretchen, Karen, Janis, Damian, Aaron, and Kevin, each with their own distinct boost abilities—and all the cliques from the cafeteria, to help defeat opponents and complete each level.”

The mobile “tiara-defense” game is not unlike your standard tower-defender: You place troops, you set up traps, and you keep the oncoming hoards of enemies away from their goal. Only this time around your troops are who you hang out with and the enemies are the opposing cliques.

Comic mean girls

While it may not seem like an obvious genre to slap the Mean Girls name on, it’s actually quite clever. Just as in the original film the cafeteria is a carefully mapped out warzone, with factions ranging from the Varsity jocks to the girls who eat their feelings to the burnouts to the Plastics. And just as Lindsay Lohan’s Katy Herron went to war with Regina George, players will go to war to protect their tiara from those who’d try to snatch it away.

Does this sound like the most fabulous game ever, or does this sound like the most fabulous game ever? Who would come up with such a game? None other than So Much Drama’s Jeff Medor, creator of RuPaul’s Drag Race: Dragopolis, one of our gayest games of the year two years running. As was the case with Dragopolis, Mr. Meador isn’t trying to make a lazy licensed tie-in game…he wants this to be a product that true fans will enjoy through and through.

Mean Girls is hilarious, brutal, and endlessly quotable; I absolutely loved watching and re-watching the film,” said Jeff Meador, founder and president, So Much Drama. “The game is rich with the quirky humor, over-the-top high school power struggles, and everything from hilarious lines, peppermint foot cream, to, yes, the Burn Book.”

Burn Book mean girls

No matter which clique players belong to, from band geeks and preps to regulation hotties, Mean Girls offers seven different ways to play including gameplay modes such as You Can’t Sit With Us, Social Suicide, She Doesn’t Even Go Here, and The Limit Does Not Exist.”

Mean Girls is slated for release on mobile platforms soon. I bet it will make for a great candy-gram.

And none for Gretchen Weiners. Bye.

Read more

GGOTY 2014: Gayest Games of the Year

Last year our Gayest Games of the Year list was quite popular, so why not do it again? Especially when 2014 has been an even bigger year for gay games than last year. While many of the 2013 titles had major queer themes not all of them had explicitly…

Read more

A different kind of Elven Rogue: a look at Sera

Note: This is the third in a series of articles exploring the diverse cast of BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition. The following contains details from all points of Sera’s sub-plot in Dragon Age: Inquisition, including her ultimate romance sub-quest.

Read more

The Legend of Korra series finale was a big win for gay geeks

If you haven’t already been hit with spoilers regarding the finale of Nickelodeon’s hit series The Legend of Korra be forewarned that this post is going to be chock full of spoilers from the moment you click ‘read more’. You have been warned.

The …

Read more

A different kind of Sophisticated Gent: a look at Dorian Pavus

Note: This is the second in a series of articles exploring the diverse cast of BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition. The following contains details from all points of Dorian’s sub-plot in Dragon Age: Inquisition, including his ultimate romance sub-quest…

Read more

Review: Coming Out On Top

You may or may not remember those “for girls” boardgames where you play a babysitter or whatever and you date boys…  They tended to have a few different kinds of boys, and you knew who they were the moment you saw them.  There was the blond goody t…

Read more

A different kind of Bodice Ripper: a look at the Iron Bull

Note: This is the first in a series of articles exploring the diverse cast of BioWare’s Dragon Age: Inquisition. The following contains details from all points of the Iron Bull’s sub-plot in Dragon Age: Inquisition, including his ultimate romance sub…

Read more

Preview: Read Only Memories

MidBoss‘ upcoming cyberpunk adventure game Read Only Memories – or ROM – is due for release next year, and, to give would-be players a little taste of what’s to come, they’ve released a playable demo over on their website – and we’ve taken a look to …

Read more
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February 14
2013

A Valentine From Andrew Ryan (Repost)

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andrew ryan

One of your writers recently asked my opinion of the celebration of February the fourteenth, a holiday that uses the Christian superstition of “Saint” Valentine as a vehicle for the expression of our most despicable urges: doting upon those with whom we find ourselves in the pitiful waltz we call “love.”

Yet what is it, this sentimental swill, this love? What is this business — and I tell you with a sober mind that it is anything but — of surrendering one’s will to another? How wretched a man’s station that he should aspire to such things! No, love offers only the enslavement of the mind and the debasement of dignity. The melody she hums so sweetly in the ear is but the swan song of man’s freedom.

But do not think me a cold man — merely a rational one. Do not think me some weeping, forlorn creature wasting away in his solitude, for I have felt in my chest the sweet intoxication of the windswept heart. I too was once a young man, a weak man, seduced and entrapped by love. Yes, I had cavorted with many of the fairer sex, reducing them to a puddle with my witticisms and anecdotes as their men shot me angry scowls — inferior men, envious of those qualities they would never possess. For all my petty dalliances I found myself in want; no fawning damsel could whet my appetite — that is, until I met Doris. She had the intellect and ruthless ambition of a woman of business, complemented by her proud, distinguished face and supple curves that could tickle the senses of even the most frigid man. I decided that I would make her mine. I had laid waste to the industrial empires of lesser minds, my vast power had bent the will of trembling bureaucrats, but never had I truly dominated a woman; never had I felt an impulse so powerful, so primal and overwhelming. “Yes,” I thought, “This must be love!” You would have stood in awe at the skill with which I courted her, the effortless grace with which I slithered my way into her fluttering heart and made her my unwitting marionette. We spend long afternoons strolling the corridors of my majestic city, evenings enjoying the finest delicacies of the Kashmir Restaurant, and nights engaged in the most wondrous of earthly passions. I would speak endlessly of her immaculate beauty and my heart’s yearning to make her mine forever, listening to her breathless sighs and silently chuckling at the knowledge that with every empty romantic flourish — every poetic word or tender kiss — I was bringing her one step closer to my goal: binding her to a contract by which she would belong to me. Indeed, only a few weeks later we found ourselves standing before the altar. Never have you seen a man so enraptured by such a ridiculous ritual, ensuring with the simple words “I do” the realization of my greatest exploit — but in the end, it was a hollow victory. For all this most impressive of conquests, I found myself weary of her presence as the years wore on. Resentment grew in my heart at this woman, this parasite, with her so many dainty kisses and inane pillow talk — “Hold me, Andrew” and “Tell me you love me, dearest” — her appetite for the material sapping my vast fortune. This shameless little harpy chirping incessantly about the latest performance at Fort Frolic, or crowing about how I was too busy with my business ventures to shower her with the affection to which she felt so entitled.

It was Valentine’s Day that wore my last nerve: She had chided me for not getting her a gift. I pondered her words. “What have you done to earn it?” I asked. Her face beamed something painful, and her tone turned hard and caustic. “You agreed to this arrangement! You signed a contract!” I could scarcely contain the chuckle forming in my throat. “A contract? Yes, surely I did, however foolish I may have been to do so; but every contract is annulable. Let me ask you, my ‘dearest,’ does a contract not lie on the foundation of mutual benefit? Should a man find himself dissatisfied with the terms, is he forever bound to them? No! A man always has recourse; he has the freedom to choose — to realign the path of his endeavors with his own self-interest — and I have chosen to abandon this most fruitless enterprise.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “But Andrew,” She pleaded, “Am I of no worth? Does my mind not stimulate your own, my heart not spirit you to the transcendent, and my body not provide you with carnal pleasure? Have I nothing to offer you, Andrew?” I boomed a gale of laughter. “What benefit can you still provide me?” I hissed. “Complacency has left you a contemptible dullard, sloth has sapped your ambition, and your features, once vibrant and alluring, now droop lazily off your aged figure. No, my dear, I’m afraid your particular commodity finds its value rather less than the cost of its upkeep. Good day.” We filed for divorce soon thereafter. In the settlement she demanded half (I mean no jest, half!) of my fortune, the material accumulation of my life’s work! However she was not so clever, and in her girlish trance had forgotten that my painstakingly-conceived contract had included a clause denying her even the most paltry scrap of my empire. I tell you, I positively skipped from the courthouse like a man freed from the bondage of his sentence, liberating myself from the shackles of my obligation, my miserable condition; bidding adieu with one caustic “Ha!” to love and her trappings, choosing instead the path of the single man — the free man.

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About Jesse Gmitro

(Writer) Jesse Gmitro is the self-proclaimed "resident ally/lady-fancier" of gaygamer.net -- a position he has held since 2011 - and a shameless fanboy of Metal Gear, pre-Homecoming Silent Hill, and Final Fantasy. He plays drums in a local post-rock band called "Between Two Skies," and is currently working on a black comedy novella, "The Madcap Laughs." He currently lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

One Response

  1. avatar CPFace says:

    I never played Bioshock, but I understand the inspiration behind Andrew Ryan. Gotta say, that ws excellent. Ayn Rand fanfic. :D

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