I can’t. I just can’t anymore.
Okay, so you know how last week, my new BFF Snake told me he was going to move away even though he’d only barely just gotten here? Well, I totally mailed him a present in the hopes of bribing him into sticking around. Then, the next day, I swung into Snake’s house to see if he’d packed up all his stuff, and noticed that all his belongings had been pushed towards the front door. You know, as though he’d packed up to move, but then changed his mind and unpacked in a rush and didn’t arrange his furniture in a way that made any kind of logical sense? Well, I took that as a good sign. And when he started rambling on about how awesome he thought fossils were, I eagerly offered to find him one. (Luckily, he wasn’t requesting a specific one)
He seemed genuinely thrilled to get a plesio torso, and I was definitely happy to pass it on to him after I’d dug it up and had Blathers authenticate it. Anything to keep Snake happy and in town. You know?
Oh, and this also happened. Sometimes I honestly have no clue what this guy is going on about. Twins freak him out now? Um, okay. Whatevs!
Checking in with Snake again a bit later, and his house was still the same, except now he’d put the plesio torso in the corner. Maybe he was just rearranging his furniture to make room for it? A little presumptuous to assume I’d find him a fossil just because he asked for one, but… oh, who am I kidding. I’ve been in love with Snake since he came to town, so obviously I’d do anything for him. And he knows it.
In the interest of doing good deeds this week, I also wanted to help Pekoe find her key. Unfortunately, after like, 10 or 15 minutes of constant fishing, all I had were pockets full of pond smelt. And they smelt bad. (Sorry!) Eventually I just had to give up and hope someone else would find her key or Pekoe would stop just wandering around aimlessly and actually look for the damn thing.
In the same vein, Simon also wanted a fossil. I agreed to try and help him out, but unfortunately, he’s being rather particular and has his heart set on a mammoth torso. Yeah, good luck with that, buddy. I keep digging up holes, but they’re all gyroids (and one pitfall). Haven’t even found a single fossil, let alone a mammoth torso. This is what happens when you’re too picky.
Popped over to Snake’s again later on, and immediately wished I hadn’t. Because now he’s all packed up to move. And there is absolutely nothing I can do to talk him out of it. I sent him another present, but I knew it was all in vain.
So I took some pleasure in telling Tom Nook that I really want variety in my store. Right now he’s balanced, and it’s actually the best option for me, but I was in a mood, so I decided to screw with him and make him close down and remodel again. That’s what you get for making me your indentured servant, Nook.
And lo and behold, by the end of the week, Snake had indeed made tracks for greener pastures. Even though the pastures in Narnia are pretty green. Well, when they’re not covered with snow, that is. Hopefully his replacement will be cool, but I’m doubtful that anyone can ever possibly be as cool as Snake. Alas, I hardly knew him.
Seriously, though — who moves out after like, a frikkin week?!?