The Young Bubby’s Club, A Reason Why We Haven’t Had Final Fantasy VII HD Yet 9


Remaking Final Fantasy VII in HD may be the most common sense decision that a gaming company has ever ignored. A revolutionary title in its day that has dug a comfortably nostalgic place in most gamers’ hearts, the relatively cheap process it would take to polish up the texture work and put Uematsu’s score to a symphony seems like a no brainer. Hell, they’ve pretty much done it already through the years, with touring Final Fantasy concerts and a series of game spinoffs that sold far more than they deserved. But if there is one thing those in the internet trenches love to do more than bemoan the lack of a Final Fantasy VII re-release, it’s theorizing why it hasn’t happened yet.

While I can’t pretend to have the answer, I stumbled along a factor that could be contributing to Square Enix’s reticence. In a story filled to the brim with corporate overreach, grandiose environmental messages, and clones, we take a bit of a detour in the first act to dress the game’s spiky yellow haired male lead Cloud as a woman to try and seduce information out of a gangster. It’s played off with a lot of sitcom-esque humor, but this mission takes a few turns that could be problematic if bumped to HD.


We first enter the Wall Market with our recently acquired tagalong Aeris, hunting for Cloud’s childhood friend Tifa. The market is a red light district-dominated outcropping of shops in the slums of one of the sectors of the industrial city of Midgar, lorded over by “legitimate businessman” Don Corneo. Listening around the marketplace informs the group that Tifa has entered into Corneo’s private estate as a potential “bride.” Word has it Corneo is retiring from the “legitimate business” routine and looking to settle down with the choicest chick he can find.

Given the danger that even a badass like Tifa could get into when alone with a (presumably perverse) mob boss, Cloud and Aeris decide to head into to Corneo’s mansion themselves. Turned away at the front gate due to Don’s “no dicks” policy, Aeris proposes that – if he wants to accompany her – Cloud needs to Mrs. Doubtfire his way inside. Needing only a few dialogue screens to be persuaded, a new mission is underway to doll Cloud up enough to pass as female.

I’d make a pun about the androgyny of Final Fantasy male characters, but that’s kind of the point. It’s not a mistake that many of the RPG franchise’s heroes can be characterized as bishonen, a Japanese term for young male characters with a beauty aesthetic that is traditionally interpreted as feminine. It’s a frequent archetype in Japanese pop culture; a subversion of the idea of masculinity by having traditionally masculine traits like athleticism embodied in very, for lack of a better term, girlish boys. But while both the original audience and those that played the game since may be familiar with the bishonen trope, the Wall Market missions take it to a level that the mainstream gamer crowd (at least as perceived by business heads) may not be comfortable with.

The first mission plays out as a five-part fetch quest, trading various items with NPCs to acquire some accessories and clothing. A dress, wig, cologne, tiara, and underwear/makeup fill out the checklist, their varying quality determining just how successful Cloud’s drag ultimately is. Informing a dress maker of your plan inspires him to make you the gown, entering a squat competition gets you the wig, giving an ill woman some meds gets you cologne, and scoping out the vending machine of a local inn for a guy banned from the premises gets you a tiara. But it’s what you have to do to get the underwear that takes the humorous undertone of this mission to another level.


You see, the Wall Market also houses a bathhouse/brothel/hostess club thing known as Honeybee Manor. This is where Corneo has been getting his pool of potential brides, and where the lingerie Cloud could use to complete his disguise is. Getting a membership card from an NPC and leaving Aeris to a crowd of slobbering men out front, Cloud has his pick of a couple rooms inside. Before choosing, players can peek into several other rooms for a few more jokes. Oddly enough, Cloud does this in full view of one of the employees, so we can assume it’s not a rare occurrence.

After learning the President of the Shinra Electric Power Company is a fan of naughty roleplay, Cloud can choose to enter the “Group Room” or the “&$#% Room.” Being gamers of class, most are likely to go for the room with the censored name. Inside you will find a hallucinatory version of Cloud that spouts vague phrases and sends Cloud fainting. Waking up and talking to the attendant will net you a “lingerie” item, and you off to Corneo’s mansion. But the group room, that’s where Cloud takes a sauna with eight muscle daddies.

Selecting the room will activate a few questions from the Honeybee Manor attendant about feeling lonely. Answering them will eventually flood the room with mustachioed, polygonal beefcakes –clad in either boxer shorts or wrestling singlets – urging you to relax and “spend some time with them.” Led by the very friendly Mukki (who’s dialog is regularly interrupted by pants) the men undress Cloud, commenting on something they discover underneath with a “Wow, would you look at that!” We are then heaved into the bath tub to wash off our dirty, dirty protagonist.


In the crowded bathtub, Mukki will ask Cloud (or “bubby”, as he has been calling him) if he’s feeling good. If the player has Cloud say that’s a bit too stuffy for his taste – the option listed as the rather suggestive “It hurts” – Mukki suggests counting to ten. The beefcake asks Cloud’s age as he counts down, floating the idea of joining his “Young bubby’s club.” According to Mukki, they have camping trips in the country. If that’s not direct enough, when Cloud finishes up and tells the group he’s getting out, Mukki whines that “Daddy’s so lonely.”  With no other options, the muscle daddy takes his leave of Cloud, leaving a parting gift of a “bikini briefs” item.

Taken as a whole, the mission plays out mostly for cheap laughs. Male NPCs of the same character model-size as the machine-gun arm badass Barrett are shown are shown fighting over a wig of their dominant female boss, and the formerly unenthused dress maker only begrudgingly makes a dress for Aeris after returning to work to make Cloud pretty. But after the dress is donned, rescuing Tifa takes on a bit more subtext.


It should be noted first and foremost that Cloud takes to the idea of this disguising like a champ, definitely putting an effort into playing the part. Sharp-eyed viewers will note that the character’s idle stance changes when he adopts the disguise. In his normal vigilante/ex-PMC wear, Cloud’s arms remain fixed at their sides, a rather neutral pose. Once gussied up, however, Cloud’s hands are crossed in front of him, in what could be attributed to a bit of gender acting. The more submissive posture is Cloud’s way of adding to disguise, mimicking what he believes to be a very feminine stance to complete his new look.

Depending on the quality of the items received in the previous mission, Cloud can either be a gorgeous geisha vision, an average girl next door, or an outright dog, and the NPC commentary will let players know exactly where they stand. Finding Tifa in a dungeon room in the mansion (complete with medieval rack and a threatening line of weapons on the wall), the three line up in front of Don Corneo as his options for the night.  Cloud, Tifa or Aeris can be selected by the horny mob boss, with the other two tossed unceremoniously to his lackeys. If Cloud is not selected, he is hit on by the underlings until he removes his disguise and initiates a combat sequence. However, if the disguised Cloud is selected by the Don, we are lead to the bed chamber. The room can be searched for a “hyper” item behind the bed, as Corneo creepily follows Cloud’s movements from a crouched position atop the mattress.


Players can act the part of potential mob wife one final time, flirting with the Don to stall for time until the others arrive. However you play it, the other two show up and help you outnumber the crimelord. After repeated threats of castration, Corneo reveals that the Shinra Company is set to wreck the slums of Sector 7 to flush out the eco-terrorist group AVALANCHE, to which many in Final Fantasy VII’s main character party have ties to. Don then pulls a Bond Villain and activates a trap door to the sewer, sending all three down to the stinking depths.

So, imagine all of that in shiny 1080p: gender play, a muscle daddy sauna orgy of insinuation, a lustful mob boss with an S&M dungeon. Even played for laughs, there is only so much of that you can keep in the upgrade to CG Movie quality while still keeping that T for Teen rating. And even then, selling that to today’s 11-18 year old demographic, not to mention a news media that turned even the hesitant sex of the first Mass Effect into a sensationalist jerk job, is not an easy task. Other markets could make it work, sure. But cutting out the States on such a big project with Square’s core franchise is never a solid marketing decision.

Even when it plays out in such a non-explicit (and optional) way as the missions in the Honeybee Manor and Corneo’s Mansion, the possibility of discussing gay sex has never sat well with releases that need to play in as broad a market as can be made available. More importantly, it clashes with the built of star text Cloud has built up over the years. In the same way that Metroid’s Samus has developed a strong, independent persona outside of any actual narrative canon, Cloud has become an icon of brooding, attractive angst. A powerful swordsman who can effectively woo two supporting females, he’s like Twilight Archie, only with character development and emotional range.

FFVII_Cloud_sex dungeon

To place him in such homoerotic situations is not out of the ordinary for a bishonen character. Hell, there are whole manga and anime genres devoted to the very idea. It’s a shame it has to be explored through a position of sexual victimhood, but that’s a topic for another day. Cloud’s particular brand of bishonen-ness is more of the silent, tortured guy than any other romantic archetype, and subsequent versions of the character have really dialed up these traits. The additions of voice acting and higher quality animation have emphasized how gorgeously melancholy he can, rather how adorably awkward he could be when tempted by the gays. Directly translating Final Fantasy VII into HD could mean reminding people – or introducing those that never played it the first time – a side of the character that jars with the history that has built up in the intervening years. But if there is anything we’ve learned about gamers, it’s that they are open to new ideas taken with beloved characters. Right?



Again, I’m not saying the Wall Market missions are the only reason Final Fantasy VII has not be remade in HD. But I am 100% sure that it was underlined on a white board somewhere during a business meeting. Facets of the American market have definitely become more reactionary since the internet and market proliferation of the late 90s. Perhaps more significantly, Cloud has grown into a character whose past adventures in gender bending may not be appreciated by his new audience within his current context. It’s not enough to derail a complete production, but Mukki’s “Young Bubby’s Club” may have been a factor in making sure one never started.


(Writer) GavinGreene.exe was installed in December of 1987, and has been gaming ever since his motor skills have allowed. In addition to his pretty words here, he writes for GamesBeat at VentureBeat, and acts as a Content Producer over at Elder Geek. He was previously an Associate Producer at Phoenix Online Studios. You can follow his inane babbling over on Twitter (@GavSGreene).

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9 thoughts on “The Young Bubby’s Club, A Reason Why We Haven’t Had Final Fantasy VII HD Yet

  • avatar

    Do you guys know the story about this? I mean why it was put into the game?

    Originally, the scenario director for the Honeybee Inn had a rather lengthily and long scenario where it was a heterosexual brothel.

    It was this huge sex minigame that was reportedly crazy sexist and pretty extreme. One of the things I remember was that Cloud could select from a list of girls sort of displayed like racehorses.

    In response to this, in a bit of “take that” to the writer for this section of the game, it was cut down considerably and changed to a gay brothel.

  • avatar

    I had completely forgotten about this part of the game. But you’re right–this scene would cause an adverse reaction. Pitchforks raised, hullaballos created. I can see the whole scene being removed, or simply recoded to have Cloud removed entirely. Maybe put in Lightning! YEAH! Get Marketing on the phone!

  • avatar
    Daniel K

    What a great write-up: thanks!

    I remember playing the Wall Street sequence and being weirded out by all the goings-on. Young thing that I was, I couldn’t even wrap my head around what the Honeybee Manor was: some sort of bizarre sexual space. It would be interesting to re-visit it in HD…

  • avatar
    Daniel M

    theres also the interesting point later on in the game of the date in the golden saucer, where if you’ve been constantly preferring Barrat or RedXIII you can go on a date with those male characters instead of the ‘preferred’ Aries or Tiffa

  • avatar

    That was a great read, and reminded me of how amazing Final Fantasy VII is, as well as making me lament the lack of a remake. Final Fantasy VII in 1080p, Jeez… They just don’t make ‘em like that anymore!

    But nah. I don’t think this has anything to do with why there is no remake. At worst, they’d just cut that shit or change it up. They’re not going to sacrifice the millions upon millions of monies they’d be getting for this. Remaking this would really be a license to print money for ‘em. So although it would be a little tricky, it just wouldn’t be a decisive factor.

    I think the more likely answer is the one the Square guy gave a while back. He said he wouldn’t remake Final Fantasy VII until they’ve made a Final Fantasy superior to it. No sources or names, sorry! Sure you could find the quote if you Google around!

  • avatar

    While this does raise some interesting points, I don’t think this is even close to the reason it hasn’t received an HD release.

    If you’ll recall, Square released a PC port of Final Fantasy 7 way back in the day. It was a half-assed port with lots of bugs that won’t even run on today’s machines without some serious modding. Square then re-released another PC port a few months ago on Steam. One very interesting thing that was noticed with this re-release is that it was almost identical to the original PC release, but with a new display driver patched in. The sound quality is also really strange, the music seems a bit off. There are no updates to the textures, no increased resolution, no fixed translation.

    I’ve seen it theorized before and I completely agree that this means that Square lost the original uncompressed assets for Final Fantasy 7, much in the same way that they lost the original files for Kingdom Hearts (The remake was made from scratch)

    I don’t think they want to spend the time and resources to completely re-build a game when they can just re-release it.

    Were the gay vibes argument to have much standing, I don’t think they would have even bothered to release the game on Steam. Or if this is what you think, I think they would have edited the scene.

    This was an interesting article, but I think you’re missing the point. It’s not so much a “We think Americans can’t handle gays” thing, but rather a “We lost everything and don’t really care enough” thing.

    • avatar

      That’s an interesting point, and I definitely think that it’s a possible explanation, but I don’t think releasing the PC port on Steam negates the “Young Bubby club” idea. For one, the PC port has reached a much smaller audience than an HD remake would. FFVII was a great game, but I doubt that there are many 13-year-olds that clamored to download it for their computer. Obviously there was a market for it, or it wouldn’t have been released in the first place, but it would, in my opinion, be tiny compared to the market for a modern remake.

      Secondly, as the writer stated, it’s not just the scene itself. Originally, the graphics weren’t fantastic and were rather cartoon-y. It’s easier to play that sort of thing off. But if it were more realistic, with full voice acting and all that, suddenly the scene takes on a more realistic tone. Or at the very least, a more obvious one.

  • avatar

    Actually, the &$#% Room wasn’t too tame, either. After Cloud passes out, there’s a lot of rubbing and poking, Cloud yells out in pain, and when he wakes up, one of those muscle-y guys is on top of him. I remember playing through both of them and thinking “yeah, huh, Honeybee Manor is definitely not what it appears.”

    I loved it, too. It was great, big joke or not, to have my expectations turned around like that. Honeybee Manor wasn’t just some whorehouse. To this day, I can’t exactly say what it actually was, but there was nothing normal about it!