This Garrus Vakarian Body Pillow May Be the Cruelest April Fools Prank of All 1


We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: We love Garrus Vakarian. I’m still very upset that while Mass Effect 3 went and included male same-sex relationship options for its last go around, everybody’s favorite Turian calibrator was not one of those options. There’s just something about that voice and his cool, collected demeanor that can’t be denied. I don’t even care if he doesn’t have the kind of anatomy I’m used to, as so much fan-porn would erroneously suggest.

Which is why when the BioWare store offered up this Garrus Vakarian body pillow I immediately reached for my….wallet. Of course had I bothered to check a calendar I would have known better than to get my hopes up; it is April Fools Day.

And now I go cry.

Maybe if we’re all really nice to BioWare (and stop complaining about the way ME3 ended) they’ll thrown us this bone…er, cloaca?




(Managing Editor and Writer) Sal lives in the beautiful city of San Francisco where he splits his time between playing games, watching copious amounts of television, and occasionally going outside. He has written for GayGamer, Gamezone, Kinky, and TeamBackpack. He studied creative writing and theatre at SFSU, and when not gaming can most likely be found on stage somewhere. You can keep up with him on twitter @salmattos

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One thought on “This Garrus Vakarian Body Pillow May Be the Cruelest April Fools Prank of All

  • avatar
    Shin Gallon

    Oh Garrus…thy voice of silken splendor soothes me so. Seriously, I’d listen to his VA read a laundry list.
    Also a pox on what the character designers say, my head canon version of him has more…traditional anatomy >_>